Cervix

The first time I felt you I thought I was dying
Because I didn’t know what it would be like to be touched by myself
Only to have others prodding, scrabbling at you

I went to the doctors and they said you were lovely and healthy looking
Like I should be really proud of myself
But all I wanted to do was cry some more
How can you be proud of something you barely own

Knowing that I am not dying did not remove the fear
I thought that it would put me back in control but I have never been taught how to be my own body
Only to master or ignore

I still feel a bit terrified when I touch you
But maybe, at least, that terror is grown inside me rather than thrust upon me.

Rose Quartz Mag