My War

You speak of war
As I just laugh,
For you say it is less,
But I know it is worse.
I know you are clueless
So you are forgiven
Because you cannot see
My internal war.
Every day I ask
“Is this a living day
Or a dying day?
Am I christian
Or atheistic?
Am I eating
Or starving?
Am I happy
Or depressed?
Do I have ambition
Or not?
Am I optimistic
Or pessimistic?”
Every day
I tell myself
“If I died today
They will not miss
Me tomorrow.
I was an accident,
Born with no purpose,
So perhaps I shall die today.”