you don’t have to read this

I'm sorry if this is too deep,
but, I just couldn't let it steep
it'd slowly fill my mind and crush me
right now, I just need space to breathe
it won't let me go, the harsh pain
it feels like a never-ending rain
with no shelter, I'm standing there
each drop filling me with more despair
every reminder makes me fear
I'll someday drown in my own tears
before this time, I knew naught of this pain
a pain that no one can maintain
I thought, since I'm strong, I could try
but, it didn't work, and it makes me cry
I think to myself all through the day,
why don't they see I'm not okay?
apparently, my strength worked some
but not to help me overcome
it only hides my pain from others
when I wanted it to hide from another
I wanted it to hide from me
but now, it seems to be all I breathe
it brings out emotions that I don't want
all emotions I don't want to confront
anxiety, pain, stress, and fear
if I'm not watching, joy disappears
driving me to write poems like this,
they're threads holding me above the abyss
I'm scared, one day, I'll be alone
my mind will be as cold as stone
broken, crushed, and broken once more
tears seep through the cracks eremore
what will I do then, alone on the floor
with no one there to cease the war
will I have to fight it alone again?
and this time, will I win?
these questions fill my mind, with ease
in and out, they do as they please
each time, another firm brick falls
how long until there is no wall?
the only thing keeping my anxiety
in its place, but, what if it's free?
the wall is crumbled, the streets deserted,
all the power in my mind exerted
once strong standing, now subverted
once a fighter, now diverted
who thought pain could bring these words?
out from the dark to pierce like a sword
it has been sharpened with every reminder
if only, it would be a bit kinder