Classic Poem

“T HE G OLOSHANS .” This is a Hogmanay play, and not confined to children alone, which for that, as well as other reasons, will not inaptly close this chapter. In some parts it was called “The Galatians,” to be sure, I say was , because one never sees it nowadays, though fifty years ago, under the one designation or the other, it was played annually by the Hogmanay guizards, who, dressed for the occasion, set it forth with deliciously unsophisticated swagger and bluster in every house they visited that had a kitchen floor broad and wide enough for the operation. It formed the material of a chap-book which was regularly on sale at the “Johnny-a'-thing” shops in the middle of last century, though now, I suppose, a copy could scarcely be had for love or money. Sir Walter Scott, who delighted to keep up old customs, and could condescend to simple things without losing genuine dignity, invariably had a set of guizards to perform the play before his family both at Ashestiel and at Abbotsford. The dramatis personœ of “The Goloshans,” after the character in the title-role—who was inevitable an all occasions—differed somewhat in the various districts. Chambers gives a fairly adequate version in his Popular Rhymes of Scotland; but the fullest and best I have seen is contained in Proverbs and Proverbial Expressions , edited by “Andrew Cheviot,” and recently published by Mr. Alexander Gardner, of Paisley, and which I take the liberty of quoting mainly, though part also is taken from Chambers's version. The characters are Sir Alexander; Farmer's Son; Goloshan; Wallace; Dr. Brown; and Beelzebub.
Enter Sir Alexander, and speaks:—
Haud away rocks, and haud away reels,
Haud away stocks and spinning-wheels;
Redd room for Gorland, and gie us room to sing,
And I will show you the prettiest thing
That ever was seen in Christmas time.
Muckle-head and Little-wit stand ahint the door;
But sic a set as we are ne'er were seen before. Enter next
Farmer's Son:—

Here come I, the farmer's son,
Although I be but young, sir,
I've got a spirit brave,
And I'll freely risk my life,
My country for to save.
Goloshan appears:—

Here come I, Goloshan—Goloshan is my name,
With sword and pistol by my side, I hope to win the game.
Farmer's Son:—

The game, sir, the game, sir! it is not in your power,
I'll cut you into inches in less than half-an-hour.
My head is made of iron, my heart is made of steel,
My sword is a Ferrara that can do its duty weel.
Goloshan:—

My body is like rock, sir, my head is like a stone,
And I will be Goloshan when you are dead and gone.
Enter Wallace:—

Here come I, Sir William Wallace, wight,
Who shed his blood for Scotland's right;
Without a right, without a reason,
Here I draw my bloody weapon.
Farmer's Son:—

Now that young man is dead, sir, and on the ground is laid,
And you shall suffer for it, I'm very much afraid.
Wallace:—

It was not me that did the deed, nor me that did the crime,
'Twas this young man behind me who drew his sword so fine.
Sir Alexander:—

Oh, you artful villain, to lay the blame on me!
For my two eyes were shut, sir, when this young man did dee.
Wallace:—

How could your eyes be shut, sir, when you were looking on?
How could your eyes be shut, sir, when both the swords were drawn?
Farmer's Son (to Wallace):—

How can you thus deny the deed? As I stood looking on,
You drew your sword from out its sheath, and slashed his body down.
Wallace:—

If I have slain Galoshan, Goloshan I will cure,
And I will make him rise and sing in less than half-an-hour;
Round the kitchen, round the town,
Haste and bring me Dr. Brown.
Dr. Brown enters:—

Here come I, old Dr. Brown, the foremost doctor in the town.
Wallace:—

What makes you so good, sir?
Doctor:—

Why, my travels.
Wallace:—

And where have you travelled? Doctor:— From Hickerty-pickerty-hedgehog, three times round the West Indies, and back to old Scotland.
Wallace:—

Is that all?
Doctor:— No, sir. I have travelled from fireside to chairside, from chairside to stoolside, from stoolside to tableside, from tableside to bedside, from bedside to press-side, and got many a lump of bread and butter from my mother; and that's the way my belly's so big.
Wallace:—

Well, what can you cure?
Doctor:— I can cure the rurvy-scurvy, and the rumble-gumption of a man who has been seven years dead or more, and can make an old woman of sixty look like a girl of sixteen.
Wallace:— How much would you take to cure this dead man? Would five pounds do?
Doctor (turning away):— Five pounds! No, five pounds would not get a good kit of brose.
Wallace:— Would ten pounds do?
Doctor:— Yes, perhaps ten pounds would do—that, and a pint of wine. I have a bottle of inky-pinkie in my pocket. (Approaches Goloshan.) By the hocuspocus and the magical touch of my little finger; heigh ho! start up, Jack, and sing!
Goloshan (rises and sings):—

Oh, once I was dead, sir, but now I am alive,
And blessed be the doctor that made me revive;
We'll all join hands, and never fight no more,
We'll all be good fellows, as we have been before.
All four:—

We'll all shake hands and agree, and never fight no more,
We'll all be like brothers, as we were once before;
God bless the master of this house, the mistress fair likewise,
And all the pretty children that round the table rise.
Go down into your cellar and see what you can find,
Your barrels being not empty, we hope you will prove kind;
We hope you will prove kind, with whisky and with beer,
We wish you a Merry Christmas, likewise a good New Year.
Enter Beelzebub (for the collection):—

Here come I, Old Beelzebub, over my shoulder I carry a club,
And in my hand a frying-pan. Am not I a jolly old man?
It's money I want, and money I crave,
If ye don't give me money I'll sweep ye to your grave.
Old Beelzebub's appeal not being resisted (for who might dare to resist such?), the picturesque players retire, and proceed from thence merrily to occupy another stage.