by DavidKM

Aliens Among Us

They landed secretly in major urban areas

all through the late 60's

there were problems with assimilation:

bizarre behaviors attributed to young humans?

all aliens

remember streaking? Dead givaway!

They look human!

To the nines!

A few minor diffs:

The females have external genitalia

look just like human males

but their “sperm” are clouds of fertilized eggs

thousands emitted each time they lay

the aliens reach sexual maturity about when humans do

but their gametes aren't fertile till about age 35

thank god!

if their teens were fertile

we'd be up to our clavicles by now

how to tell an alien female from a human male

(without a microscope)

femmes, they're called

they never leave the toilet seat up

that's really the only way

their males now,

smaller than femmes,

as in most species

coincidentally, resemble female humans

internal genitalia, etc

their sperm are few, precious,

not to be spilled needlessly

we're talking really low sperm counts:

One! Two!

Anyhoo

each sperm can activate (“quicken”) scores of eggs

the lil guys contain no genetic material

none, nada, zilcherino

exchange of that occurs only among females

in rituals no human has yet witnessed

the aliens say, when pressed

“Humanity is not ready.”

this all happens during copulation

the mechanics of which are mundane

which is to say

alien style, no weirder/more/less tittilating than human style

quite the else at a micro scale, however:

whole lotta shakin' going on

obv.*

Hitherto our four** species have coexisted amicably

(mauger the Isthmus Incident; look it up)

but signs & portents abound:

boatloads of jabbering clairvoyants & -audients

adrift on major rivers & lakes

Miss Emilie's Daily Astrological Reports (June 16-23 of last year)

(unbelievable!)

assorted unexplained apparitions

unpredictable quakes

most telling of all:

Nate Silver's 538 Blog's recently published correlations

human & alien fads,

propensities, propinquities, & geographical parallelismae***

indicate, nay proclaim(!)

humanity's

done

kaput

eradicatismo

all over but the facebooking

und so weiter

well, at least they won't have to

redesign our bathroom signage

his → hers

hers → his

done!

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