And so, Contestants, take your marks!
The jury, dim and dotty,
Expects the most salacious verse
Concerning poop and potty.
Nonsensical is always good
As well—we like to giggle—
Or tragic, vast, heroic, deep
So we can weep and wriggle.
Manipulate us! Get the crowd
Employ the basest foul techniques,
And make your poems gripping!
For subtlety is not a style
We generally care for.
To think is work: we like the stuff
That nothing can prepare for.
From jokes to pomp and circumstance,
From riotous to mournful,
Caress our hormones! Let us feel,
Or else you'll find us scornful.
Undoubtedly you'll do your best
To cozen and to flatter.
Project it, though, so we can hear
Your voices through our chatter.
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