B. Flynn
It's been a year now, since we were last together.
The last time -- forever.
When they weren't shut tight, then far away eyes;
any joy at all and we'd have both been surprised.
Quick were the moments when our lips found each other.
Lost now as lovers; only Father and Mother.
Still your legs wrapped around me and you let me inside,
but only that one place, not the place where you hide.
I pressed on the mattress and pressed on your thighs
not nearly as heavy as the weight of your lies.
Two heartbeats, two bodies, two paths overgrown
I drew away from your person and our souls were alone.
And the dark room was empty, but for strangers in bed,
not facing each other but at two walls, instead.
I left for Chicago -- I left for a race
haunted by secrets and the look on your face.
It was already over 'cos you made up your mind:
I was boring and useless, he was charming and kind.
So I would wait and I would wonder. I would walk to the door.
You had never been gone like this, at least not before.
I knew you were straying and probably up to no-good.
I tried not to worry about the reasons I should:
Your phone
Your Facebook
Your hair all to one side
Your coffee
Your tanning
Your "just going for a ride"
Sometimes I would think that I wanted to know.
I couldn't stop you. I knew how it would go.
Nor did I go after you, I knew it would hurt.
As much as I begged you, it just wouldn't have worked.
Into his arms you ran, long into the night,
into his house, this disaster, but not out of my life.
My heart stopped beating and I had found my last breath.
I thought it would end with the cold pain in my chest,
but I never fell, though I stood with no life.
I stood there in pieces torn apart by my wife.
Death wouldn't take me and now neither would she.
I was lost.
I was spinning.
I was chained.
You were free.
I cried and I crumbled; I almost wasted away.
I could not sleep, I was tortured - lost track of days.
You couldn't imagine all the pain I went through.
You gave me weak consolation; not like what he gave you.
Reaching for you, always in vain. Such a waste.
Bloody your mouth was -- enjoying the taste.
how you staggered in drunk and the things that you said.
I found your car parked, quietly, in front of his house.
I swore at you, cursed the world, but you wouldn't come out.
There are no places here where I can find peace.
We ruined this home
and this town
and these streets.
Just as the winds looked to bring to my knees,
the howl - it weakened, it became only a breeze.
And with the last bit of strength left in my heart
I found a new shore - a new place I could start.
I had been stripped but could now see what was left:
bare skin and bones 'round where my love was once kept.
Out of the clouds came a burning new light.
The warmth on my face felt good; it felt right.
My skin and my soul welcomed this gift.
My heart and my mind never imagined like this.
The wind it was swift, carried o'er the trees
and for all that was lacking there was some in between.
For a while then, we flickered, like flames burning low.
We lived our lives coldly, deeply covered in snow.
Yet here at arm's-length I was loving you still,
but I saw him, I was jealous, it took all of my will
to allow you to be this new creature -- unknown.
I felt so completely foolish, undermined, and dethroned.
Like the waves in the greatest of cyclonic storms
you toss me and roll me with love and with scorn.
I want to stay close to the dream I'm protecting
but when it becomes reality you are always rejecting
the idea of me, the person I am, all of my needs.
So my poor heart writes lyrics, it breaks, and it bleeds.
Fuck this.
I am the earth and you are the moon.
You are darkness and light; a year is too soon.
I am colorful and peaceful and I'm vast and I'm wide.
My seas feel your pull as my mountains collide.
My roots are deep and they will survive through the rains.
I am rock and thick ice, only strengthened by pain.
Our time is gone - lost now - perhaps without reason.
Love is eternal;
the heartbreak -- a season.
The sun will rise and burn for all of this life,
but it has set on the home where I called you my wife.
Waste not one more day in the shadow of sorrow.
Embrace the young light of a brand-new tomorrow.
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