Year: 
2019

    I searched for my placement in this world for far too long,  I wanted to fit in, I needed to belong. 

     Everywhere I went, no matter the direction I headed for, every turn I made always ended with a dead end, the wrong way.

   I always was made to feel like a mistake too everyone I knew, and every place I would go. Never felt like I did anything right.

   No matter how hard I tried, or what I did, it was never enough, I was downgraded and put down.

    I seached for away out, I wanted to make my loved ones proud, I wanted to have friends and fit in with the croud like the rest. 

    I gave my all, I always tried, no matter what I seemed to fail, as if life were a test, I couldn't pass, even  when giving it my best.

   I was always laughed at, and called many name's,  I felt ashamed of myself, I felt like I was gross and nasty, fat, and ugly.

     I was a nutnutinance to  every path I crossed,  no one to turn too, no place to go,  no where to run. I couldn't escape.

   no matter how far away I went or where, I was made to feel less than, I wanted to be first for once, but I stood last in line.
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    I remember even as a small child, wondering why I was here, always questioning my existence, my purpose.

    I never understood, life seemed so unfair,  I didn't ask to be here, but there I stood, hopeless,broken, never was enough.

   I trusted no one, I had to pay the price at an expensive cost, just so other's could laugh, and have fun, I was always the one to take everyone's else's loss.

   I had to face the consequences of things I didn't do, because nobody wanted to admit there mistakes.

    I always got the blame, I accepted thing's knowing I deserved more, I put up a good fight, did what I could do.

   I just didn't have away out, I needed a change, but didn't know how, I didn't know what to do.

    I had to find my way out of this hell, even when the days seemed so bright, and I thought this is it I can finally see the light, my world was still dark and gray.

   I was sad each and every day, the pain I endured is something no human should ever have to go through or face. 

    I took all I could take, I had to escape before I dug my own grave, one more day would have been to late,

   I didn't care what I had to do, I knew I needed out, so I set out to the unknown, not knowing where I would go or end up, but I knew any place was better than there.

   I was alone but didn't care, I prayed to God to lead the way, take me to a place where I'm loved and appreciated, and at least one person will will, I won't be a disgrace.

  I walked away that day, with no plan, but didn't look back and never will, I settled for less than my worth, it was as if my life were cursed. 

  I no longer had to take that pain, I knew no matter where I ended up, better days were ahead. I trusted God to lead the way so I followed his path,

   It wasn't easy at first I struggled, but i knew I was doing the right thing, and for once I was going to be ok.

    I felt like I wasn't this big fairure everyone made me think I was, I mattered and was loved, I became a slave to God's will.

   I have a purpose, and a reason for all the pain and hardships, God showed me he has a reason for everything in life we go through, even if it hurt's.

   He knows what he is doing, and has a reason for every decision he makes, it's not our place to question his direction for us.

    I live to help other's through the pain they have to face, I wouldn't change a thing about my past, if it means helping another soul who is walking lost. 

   I would do it over again, no questions asked just to help another though there pain, and hardships

  That's my purpose and place to help in anyway I'm meant too, if you feel alone please know you are not.

   I love and care, even if I don't know you, I still do because i love all life, and will do anything just to help and know you have someone there, day or night, no matter how early, or late. 

    I  promise to always love and care, I will always be there to support you, so please don't live like alone.

   Don't ever settle for  less, you deserve so much more, your worth it, and there are better day's ahead, I'm living proof of this, reach out to me, don't give up,

   But the most important put your trust in your higher power, he will never fell you, and will always be there, even when life seems so unfair.
by: Elizabeth Smith
   

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