Classic Poem

Sir, or Madam, choose you whether,
Nature twists you both together,
And makes thy Soul two Garbs confess,
Both Petticoat and Breechess dress;
Thus we chastise the God of Wine
With Water that is Feminine,
Until the cooler Nymph abate
His wrath, and so concorporate.
Adam , till his Rib was lost,
Had the Sexes thus ingrost.
When Providence our Sire did cleave,
And out of Adam carved Eve ,
Then did Man 'bout Wedlock treat
To make his Body up compleat.
Thus Matrimony speaks but thee
In a Grave Solemnity:
For Man and Wife make but one right
Canonical Hermaphrodite.
Ravel thy Body, and I find
In every Limb a double kind.
Who would not think that Head a pair,
That breeds such Faction in the Hair?
One half so churlish in the Touch,
That rather than endure so much,
I would my tender Limbs apparrel
With Regulus his nailed Barrel:
But the other half so small,
And so amorous withal,
That Cupid thinks each Hair doth grow
A String for his invisible Bow.
When I look Babies in thine Eyes,
Here Venus , there Adonis lies;
And though thy Beauty be high Noon,
Thy Orb contains both Sun and Moon.
How many melting Kisses skip,
'Twixt thy upper Brush of Hair,
And thy neather Beard's despair?
When thou speak'st (I would not wrong
Thy Sweetness with a double Tongue)
But in every single Sound
A perfect Dialogue is found.
Thy Breasts distinguish one another,
This the Sister, that the Brother.
When thou joyn'st Hands my Ear still phancies
The Nuptial Sound, I John take Frances .
Feel but the difference soft and rough,
This a Gantlet, that a Muff.
Had sly Ulysses at the Sack
Of Troy brought thee his Pedler's Pack,
And Weapons too to know Achilles
From King Lycomedes' Phillis
His Plot had fail'd; this Hand would feel
The Needle, that the Warlike Steel.
When Musick doth thy pace advance,
Thy right Leg takes the left to dance:
Nor is't a Galliard danc'd by one,
But a mixt Dance, though alone.
Thus every Heteroclite part
Changes Gender, but thy Heart;
Nay those which Modesty can mean,
But dare not speak, are Epicene.
That Gamester needs must overcome,
That can play both with Tib and Tom .
Thus did Nature's Mintage vary,
Coyning thee a Philip and Mary .