depression

Sadness, despair, depression, madness
Are the words that entrap my mind when looking at the bland brown house.
The one house with all grey walls.
The one with the single tan car going back and fourth.
The one where even when we exited our drought, no bright flowers began to sprout.
The one that belongs to a dear Ms. Sky.

depression, a marauder.....raids, pillages, labyrinths, echoed pleas

black moon, in mind, rise
ebony rainbows, sadness
stars fall, illumine

While still in the fragility of youth,
and upon my first major depression,
the Midnight Horse began his nocturnal visits,
handsome in his resplendence
with a solid ebony body and hooves of silver,
he prances into my dreams,
whinnies, and announces his presence,
as if to say, "I am here",
Some people with depression talk of the black dog,
yet mine is the Midnight Horse.

I cry and break down a lot
I lie and say I'm okay when I'm really not
I reminisce and look at my wrist at all the scars I've got
When you took my mother at 10 months the heartache started
God bless the souls of ALL the dearly departed
Please tell me is my child up there?
You taking her still doesn't seem fair
I get depressed and won't come out for days
God forgive me for my vengeful ways
Daddy beat me I blamed myself
The pills and therapy, I tried to get some help
Ended putting my heart back on the shelf

“It’s your body's’ way of protecting you.”
I was told
as I felt the singeing handprint of my mother burn into my thigh.
It’s my body’s way of protecting me.
I remind myself
as I feel his hands all over me
in the middle of the night
when i can only think about the yellow street light
that filtered in
and cascaded over his large frame
like water pouring unexpectedly
from the sky.
“It’s my body’s way of protecting me.”
I explain to the one person who can touch me

I am drowning in my pain
Spinning faster and faster
I closed my eyes to escape
From my momentary lapse of reason
In my grave reality of my demise
But there is nowhere to hide
In a world of complete emptiness
I am going under faster and faster
Feeling nothing but helplessness
And everything was still
Just as hope seemed to have faded
There was shelter in the distance
That shelter was you and I felt warm
And everything was still
Even from the depths of my mind
I knew I was trapped frozen in time

The night continues to fall
and I become one with the shadows.