I'm not defeated yet

by LCN

My whole life i've always stood on
the outside of lifes window peering
most times looking to the sky trying
to convince god to forgive me for all
my sins,
this weight i'm carrying is making it
harder to breathe because i'm feeling
my existance forever has me dealing
with the complications of feeling like
my lungs can't inhale any wind,
these obsticles weighing heavy in
my spirit and hands leaving me 
believing i can't win,
my soul deeply shadowed by the
way my demons have me thinking
is this where things get grim,
so i keep asking the creator to put
a hand on my shoulder to let me
know my heart can srill believe
you are there and listening,
so i'm just gonna close my my eyes
and keep silently praying that one
one day i can open my eyes and
and feel you shining your blessing
down on me is all my inner soul
 just keeps wishing.