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439th Weekly Poetry Contest honorable mention: GOODBYE MY LOVE

by lina

I take all the blame my love,
I agree, I am a coward
To have never given us a chance
To see where this love would take us,
Whether on the wings of the wind
Or to the colonies of stars;
To have kept you alienated from my heart at all costs,
To have never trusted you with this feverish heart of mine.
You would not understand fully
Even if I explain finally,
But I will throw caution to the wind and put your heart at rest;
It breaks my heart sorely to admit this,
Clinging to denial has given me comfort over the years,
Oh! But time is at the door,
No more shells possess the ability to hide me,
I must bare myself to you.
I am not right for you,
Never have been;
I come from a lineage of controllers,
By supernatural means we acquire our desires,
But can hardly keep our trophies,
For we are destruction itself,
Every living being we own dies
Except our progeny.
We stand in possession of a supernatural poison
That runs through our family line
By a fetish thread
From generation to generation,
We can never run from it,
Trust me my love, I have the history,
A son must be told all.
To maintain a lasting relationship,
I dare not keep it close,
Or it dies, withers like a flower exposed to scorching heat,
I am death itself,
I breathe out the stench every minute
And marvel at the insensitivity of people around me;
The stench grows by the day
But no one perceives it.
Colleagues, associates all go about their normal duties, hugging me and smiling at me,
Oblivious of the killing machine around them.
One only has to benefit monetarily from me to be pricked,
I lend them money
And they receive a sting,
Carrying the poison of death
In a little amount.
It spreads like yeast throughout dough,
They unknowingly grow it till it matures
Into a grave terminal illness;
They never know what ails them,
What is killing them.
So when I refrain from giving
Of my abundant physical wealth,
I am actually saving from death;
I am beginning to make sense to you
My love,
I can see that,
But listen further,
The tap has been turned on,
The flow is unstoppable.
When I first met you,
The real me in me fell in love with you totally with no reservation,
I was crazy,
Head over heels in love,
I trembled in your presence,
I know you noticed;
Minute after minute of keeping from hugging you
Devouring you, drowning you in my love
Sent feverish tremors down my spine
And kept me trembling for you,
I could think of nothing else but you,
I know you felt the same,
It was love at first sight.
In my whole life
And the lives of all my descendants,
We have never witnesed the birth of a flower so beautiful,
This love,
But it was not to be,
If it was, why with me?
I am death personified,
The union between death and a rare beauty
Cannot be a good fit,
Only death can come out of it.
If I was a normal man
And had to be separated from you
I would have drowned you with provision, gifts uncountable
Such as a man in a unique love
Showers upon his beloved,
But I could not,
I cannot kill you,
For then I would stop existing,
There would be no need for me to live
Even though I am death.
I have felt your need over the years,
Seen your tears over me,
Felt your heart break over and over,
Felt your rage over my weakness as a man,
I understand you
In your shoes,
I would feel exactly the same,
For you are my life.
My love,
I have suffered greatly,
Staying away from you is the hardest task my lineage has had to achieve,
It has been raw pain.
I knew you could hear me call your name,
And I did that everyday,
Just to keep me away from certain madness,
You were the permanent occupant of my thoughts,
You are my heartbeat, My love;
You could hear my thoughts of you,
For your heart skipped beats
And stretched its arms to reach me.
You could tell the difference between your name uttered and thought.
Yes I knew;
That undying link you always felt linked you to me?
It was real.
My heart had bled profusely over this decade,
It surprises me that I am still alive,
Perhaps the hope to see you,
To talk to you as I am doing now
Has kept me going from day to day,
Hold my hand, my love
Let me feel you one last time,
Please do not cry,
It breaks my heart.
I am sorry is what I have to say,
Have planned to tell you this for over a decade now,
I am sorry, my true love,
Sorry that I can never be by your side
To love you, take care of you like you deserve,
It breaks my heart a million times
Then repeats the cycle all over again.
You must live your life to the fullest,
But that cannot happen with me in it;
I must stay as far away from you as is possible
So you will continue to live.
You are my life,
The day you die
I will surely follow.
I love you more than words can tell you,
Goodbye, my true love.

439th Weekly Poetry Contest