This is the Mexican
Don José Calderón
One of God's countrymen.
Land of the buzzard,
Cheap silver dollar, and
Cacti and murderers.
Why has he left his land
Land of the lazy man,
Land of the pulque
Land of the bull fight,
Fleas and revolution.

This is the reason,
Hark to the wherefore;
Listen and tremble.
One of his ancestors,
Ancient and garlicky,
Probably grandfather,
Died with his boots on.
Killed by the Texans,
Texans with big guns
At San Jacinto.
Died without benefit
Of priest or clergy;
Died full of Minié balls,
Mescal and pepper.

Don José Calderón
Heard of the tragedy.
Heard of it, thought of it,
Vowed a deep vengeance;
Vowed retribution
On the Americans,
Murderous gringos,
Especially Texans.
“Válgame Dios! qué
Ladrones, diablos,
Matadores, mentidores,
Carracos y perros,
Voy a matarles,
Con sólo mis manos,
Toditas sin falta.”
Thus swore the Hidalgo
Don José Calderón.

He hied him to Austin.
Bought him a basket,
A barrel of pepper,
And another of garlic,
Also a rope he bought.
That was his stock in trade;
Nothing else had he.
Nor was he rated in
Dun or in Bradstreet,
Though he meant business,
Don José Calderón,
Champion of Mexico,
Don José Calderón
Seeker of vengeance.

With his stout lariat,
Then he caught swiftly
Tomcats and puppy dogs,
Caught them and cooked them,
Don José Calderón,
Vower of vengeance.
Now on the sidewalk
Sits the avenger
Selling Tamales to
Innocent purchasers.
Dire is thy vengeance,
Oh, José Calderón,
Pitiless Nemesis
Fearful Redresser
Of the wrongs done to thy
Sainted grandfather.

Now the doomed Texans,
Rashly hilarious,
Buy of the deadly wares,
Buy and devour.
Rounders at midnight,
Citizens solid,
Bankers and newsboys,
Bootblacks and preachers,
Rashly importunate,
Courting destruction,
Buy and devour.
Beautiful maidens
Buy and devour,
Gentle society youths
Buy and devour.

Buy and devour
This thing called Tamale;
Made of rat terrier,
Spitz dog and poodle,
Maltese cat, boarding house
Steak and red pepper,
Garlic and tallow,
Corn meal and shucks.
Buy without shame
Sit on store steps and eat,
Stand on the street and eat,
Ride on the cars and eat,
Strewing the shucks around
Over creation.

Dire is thy vengeance,
Don José Calderón,
For the slight thing we did
Killing thy grandfather.
What boots it if we killed
Only one greaser,
Don José Calderón?
This is your deep revenge,
You have greased all of us,
Greased a whole nation
With your Tamales,
Don José Calderón,
Santos Esperitos,
Vicente Camillo,
Quitana de Ríos,
De Rosa y Ribera.