Classic Poem

There is a vice prevails
Concerning which I'll set you on your guard;
And other four, which hard
It were (as may be thought) that I should blame.

Some think that still of them —
Whate'er is said — some ill speech lies beneath;
And this to them is death:
Whereby we plainly may perceive their sins.

And now let others wince.
One sort there is, who, thinking that they please,
(Because no wit's in these,)
Where'er you go, will stick to you all day,

And answer, (when you say,
" Don't let me tire you out!") " Oh never mind —
Say nothing of the kind, —
It's quite a pleasure to be where you are!"

A second, — when, as far
As he could follow you, the whole day long
He's sung you his dull song,
And you for courtesy have borne with it, —

Will think you've had a treat.
A third will take his special snug delight, —
Some day you've come in sight
Of some great thought and got it well in view, —

Just then to drop on you.
A fourth, for any insult you've received
Will say he is so grieved,
And daily bring the subject up again.

So now I would be fain
To show you your best course at all such times;
And counsel you in rhymes
That you yourself offend not in likewise.

In these four cases lies
This help: — to think upon your own affair,
Just showing here and there
By just a word that you are listening;

And still to the last thing
That's said to you attend in your reply,
And let the rest go by, —
It's quite a chance if he remembers them.

Yet do not, all the same,
Deny your ear to any speech of weight.
But if importunate
The speaker is, and will not be denied,

Just turn the speech aside
When you can find some plausible pretence;
For if you have the sense,
By a quick question or a sudden doubt

You may so put him out
That he shall not remember where he was,
And by such means you'll pass
Upon your way and be well rid of him.

And now it doth beseem
I give you the advice I promised you.
Before you have to do
With men whom you must meet continually,

Take notice what they be;
And so you shall find readily enough
If you can win their love,
And give yourself for answer Yes or No.

And finding Yes, do so
That still the love between you may increase.
Yet if they be of these
Whom sometimes it is hard to understand,

Let some slight cause be plann'd,
And seem to go, — so you shall learn their will:
And if but one sit still
As 'twere in thought, — then go, unless he call.

Lastly, if insult gall
Your friend, this is the course that you should take.
At first 'tis well you make
As much lament thereof as you think fit, —

Then speak no more of it,
Unless himself should bring it up again;
And then no more refrain
From full discourse, but say his grief is yours.