collision theory

i have spent so long bracing myself for the collision
that i have forgotten what softness felt like.
forgotten that love doesn't have to be 3am speeding
with the windows down & my ribs in my throat
& my heart between your fingertips. i have forgotten
how to kiss without tasting blood, without drawing it too.
 
it's just that holding your hand feels like tying myself
to a shipwreck & i've lost too much fighting to breathe
to risk going under the waves again. it's just that
at this point i'm more scar tissue than girl,
more ashes than flame. it's just that i've spent
so long falling, i've forgotten what it means to fly.