How do you feel?

How did you feel years ago,
looking at me and seeing the pain in my eyes?
Did you smile when you saw me cry?

How did you feel when I was surrounded by machines?
Each beeping away and proclaiming their attempt to mask your pain

How did you feel when I was forced to go to therapy?
My family hoped that I would grow strong enough to let you go
Did you know that wouldn’t happen?

How did you feel when I was afraid to go outside?
You had always sheltered me away and made the outside world more painful
Did you intentionally manipulate me into being awake at night?
So that it was just me and you

How did you feel when I was in pain seeing sunlight?
You had conditioned me to live in darkness
I was safe in the dark, you had taught me that

How did you feel when I had no one else in my life but you?
No one else understood, and how could they?
You never let anyone inside of our little game
You wouldn’t share me with anyone else

How did you feel when I was constantly wearing sunglasses?
No one could tell that you were still with me
But everyone could tell that I wasn’t well

How did you feel when I lost myself?
When I was no longer a person and was instead, only yours
How did you feel when I was entirely consumed by you?

How did you feel when my family sent me away from you?
Did you think that I would come crawling back?
Did you think that I become independent on my own?
Did you think that I would ever be able to reclaim my life?
Did you think that I would be able to write these words and publically say the pain you caused me?

We used to keep everything between us
No one else needed to know about you, because they wouldn’t understand
Sometimes I still don’t understand how I let you control me
Did you think that I would forever be in your grasp?

How do you feel now?

I feel free.