Return to Childhood

it seems i've reached the age of the reverting
i thought the descent into a second childhood would come slowly
unfortunately, this is not the return to innocence and wonder
instead it is the downhill journey into darkness
while nightmares have always been a consistent
of late these have become of two types
the terrorizing ones that awaken with you screams for mom and dad
running as fast as feet can fly to comforting arms
the other kind so frightening that screams are frozen in the throat
bodily movements immobilized
mom and dad are no longer here to comfort
to hush hush my troubled soul
it is on my own i have to find peace and i'm doing a poor job
the other occurrence that marks this point of change
i've started to worry about things under my bed
you know the things i speak of
monsters with claws meant for snagging
pulling me into unknown abyss
i wake in the night to go to the bathroom
imagination filling with irrational fears
the dark the perfect setting for manifestation
of all these things my mind creates
I take a step out of bed
A wide step, almost a jump
to get as far away as possible
past the monster's searching reach
i fee the apprehension, internal tingling
for the moment i am safe
i return from the loo
i turn the light on to "check"
The adult me knows there's nothing there
(at least assumes this as truth)
The returning child isn't as convinced
then turning the light off another jump back into bed
quickly covered as if blanketed I am safe
Soon, i fear, the light will stay on all night
Soon, I imagine i'll be blocking the gap under the bed
Dad always quoted those poems about
bed bugs biting and goblins getting me
I believed them as a child
I am rebelieving them now