spending a penny

Officially called urination
(A name rather grand for its station).
Kids wee or wee-wee
But that’s rather twee,
So which is the best appellation?

“Spend a Penny” can no longer be;
For- apart from the loos being free-
In a metrical state
We need to translate,
But can hardly say “Go spend a Pee”!

“Pass water” is pleasing to hear,
But let the distinction be clear:
If at dinner you ask
For a jug or a flask,
Let a “the” in “Pass water” appear.

If it comes with a gush or a hiss
What better description than piss?
If it comes in a dribble
We ought to say Piddle,
But in company pee’s not amiss.

Manoeuvring a willy whence it lies
Under layers of close-fitting ties,
May lead to deflection,
Misdirected ejection,
When it finally pokes through the flies.

What also may disorient us
Is a partly obstructed meatus
Convolution preputial
Is an obstacle crucial
To perfectly aimed apparatus

Women also complain when it’s we
Leave up the seat after a pee.
Would a logical mind
Less impolite find
Seats left down by a she for a he?

by Geoff Patrick