Classic Poem

DERE'S a liddle fact in hishdory vitch few hafe oondershtand,
Deutschers are, de jure, de owners of dis land,
Und I brides mineslf oonshpeak-barly dat I foorst make be-known,
De primordial cause dat Columbus vas derivet from Cologne.

For ash his name vas Colon, it fisiply does shine,
Dat his Eldern are geboren been in Cologne on der Rhein,
Und Colonia peing a colony, it sehr bemerkbar ist,
Dat Columbus in America was der firster colonist.

Und ash Columbus ish a tove, id ish wort' de drople to mark,
Dat an bidgeon foorst tiscofer land a-vlyin' from de ark;
Und shtill wider - in de peginnin', mitout de leastest toubt,
A tofe vas vly ofer de wassers und pring de vorldt herout.

Ash mein goot oldt teacher der Kreutzer to me tid ofden shbeak,
De mythus of name rebeats itself - vhitch see in his 'Symbolik,'
So also de name America, if we a liddle look,
Vas coom from der oldt king Emerich in de Deutsche Heldenbuch.

Und id vas from dat fery Heldenbuch - how voonderful it ron,
Dat I shdole de Song of Hildebrand, or der Vater und der Sohn,
Und dishtripude it to Breitemann for a reason vhitch now ish plain,
Dat dis Sagen Cyclus full-endet, pring me round to der Hans again.

Dese laws of un-endly un-windoong ish so teep and broad and tall,
Dat nopody boot a Deutscher hafe a het to versteh dem at all,
Und should I write mine dinks all out, I tont peliefe inteed,
Dat I mineslf vould versteh de half of dis here Breitmann's Lied.

Ash der Hegel say of his system - dat only von mans knew,
Vot der tyfel id meant - und he couldn't tell - und der
Jean Paul Richter, too,
Who saidt: 'Gott knows I meant somedings vhen
foorst dis buch I writ,
Boot Gott only wise vot das buch means now - for I
hafe fergotten it!'

Und all of dis be-wises so blain ash de face on your nose,
Dat der Deutscher hafe efen more intellects dan he himself soopose,
Und his tifference mit de over-again vorldt, as I really
do soospect,
Ish dat oder volk hafe more soopose - und lesser intellect.

Yet oop-righty I confess it - mitout ashkin' vhy or vhence,
Dere ish also dimes vhen Amerigans hafe shown sharp-pointet sense,
Und a fery outsigned exemple of genius in dis line,
Vas dishblayed in dis elegdion py Mishder Hiram Twine.