Classic Poem

DAN; JEANE; JEANE'S MOTHER

DAN

Here! if I had your trap an' beäst
I'd dreve ye all to Meldon feäst.

JEANE

Oh! very well! an' did he vind
The pump a plaÿèthing to his mind?
There's he, a-plyen all his bwones,
A-pumpen wet about the stwones.
An' who's to tramp, a-meäken spwort
Vor you, about theäse wat'ry cwourt?
No! I should only like to shed
That water on your empty head.

DAN

An' did the vrog, as vo'k do zay,
Catch cwold o' wetted veet woone day?

JEANE

Zee how his two big hands do swaÿè!
An' how his elbow bwones do plaÿè!

DAN

About the pattens! Who did come
By Woakrow, then, to vetch em hwome?

JEANE

How he do chuckle. Come, tell out
What you've a-vound to grin about.

DAN

We left our pattens, in a stroll
We took woone day, at Woakrow knowl,
An' call'd to teäke em after dark,
Where zome smart chap, if he'd a spark
O' manhood, wer a-bound to come
Down Woakrow road to zee us hwome.

JEANE

Now you be off. I'll souse a bowl
O' buttermilk about your poll.
I needen goo a-zetten traps
Vor chaps, if I did look vor chaps —
Not lobben, lollen, lowlear'd louts
Lik' you.

DAN

Oh no! But Tommy Touts!

JEANE

Nor drawl-en, drean-en, drows-y drones.

DAN

But Tom. Ha! ha! Tom Shaklebwones.

MOTHER

Whatever is this randy rout?
Why Jeäne, whatever b'ye about?

JEANE

Why, Dan is at his sauce ageän.

DAN

'Tis only fun woonce now an' then.

JEANE

He's here to know if we shall ride
To Meldon feäst this Whitsun-tide.

DAN

Aye, if you'll trust em to my ceäre
Wi' your light waggon an' grey meäre.

MOTHER

No. You do bring us little gains
When you do teäke our ho'ses reins.
Last month you beät her steamen hide
That we all thought she must ha' died;
Vor you'd a-meäde her drag along
A two-hoss lwoad below your thong,
A-packen maidens up wi' chaps
A'most in woone another's laps;
An' worken on the poor meäre's lags
As if the vo'k wer veather bags,
As you did whip, an' whop, an' whack
Her panken zides an' zweaty back.

DAN

But now the lwoad will be but small;
We ha'n't the Browns an' Hines to haul.
An' Jeäne can goo wi' what's-his-neäme.

JEANE

Why Dan, you silly chap, vor sheäme!

DAN

No! There, I'd only teäke the vew
That you yourself should neäme to goo.

MOTHER

Oh, very well, that's nwone at all.

JEANE

Hee! Hee!

DAN

Hah! hah!

JEANE

Now you zing small.

DAN

I'll dreve the Wellburns: they be glad
To have me when I'm to be had.