Classic Poem

In the Pump Court

DANIEL

Here! if I had your trap and beast
I'd drive you all to Meldon feast.

JANE

Oh! very well! but did he find
The pump a plaything to his mind?
There's Daniel, plying all his bones,
In pumping wet about the stones.
And who's to trample, just for sport
To you, about this wat'ry court?
No! I should only like to shed
The water on your empty head.

DANIEL

And did the frog, as people say,
Catch cold of wetted feet one day?

JANE

See how his two long armbones sway!
And how his peaked elbows play!

DANIEL

The patterns! How about a chap
And pattens, out at Oakrow knap?

JANE

See how he chuckles. Come, tell out
What you can find to grin about.

DANIEL

We left our pattens, in a stroll
We lately took, at Oakrow knoll.

JANE

O! did we? Well, that must be fun,
With pattens out, and home with none.

DANIEL

We call'd to take them after dark,
Where William Henstone, with a spark
Of manhood in his soul, must come
Down Oakrow road to see us home.

JANE

Now you be off. I'll souse a bowl
Of buttermilk about your poll.
No, I should have no call for traps
To catch the very best of chaps.
Not lopping, lolling, long-ear'd louts
Like you.

DANIEL

O no! but Tommy Touts.

JANE

Nor drawling, dragging, drowsy drones.

DANIEL

But Tom. Ha! hah! Tom Shaklebones.

MOTHER

Why lauk! what ever is this row?
Why Jane, whatever is it now?

JANE

Why, Dan is at his sauce again.

DANIEL

'Tis only fun once now and then.

JANE

He's here to know if we would ride
To Meldon feast this Whitsuntide.

DANIEL

Ay, Meldon feast, if you can spare
Your little waggon with the mare.

MOTHER

O no, you bring us little gains
When your hand shakes our old mare's reins.
Last month you beat her steaming hide
Till we all thought she must have died,
Before a load of people, full
Enough for three such mares to pull;
A squeezing load of girls and chaps,
With some almost in others' laps,
And simpering faces up as thick
As ever face by face could stick,
And work'd the mare along as though
She had but bags of down in tow,
As you did whip, and whop, and whack
Her panting sides and steaming back

DANIEL

But now the load would be but small.
We have no Browns at home to haul,
And Jane could go with what's his name —

JANE

Why Dan, you silly chap, for shame!

DANIEL

There, I would only take a few
Of your choice, you can tell me who.

MOTHER

O, well, then, nobody at all.

JANE

Hee! hee!

DANIEL

Hah! hah!

JANE

Now you sing small.

DANIEL

I'll drive the Wellburns; they'll be glad
To have me when I can be had.