Classic Poem

On an undiscovered island
Lives an economical Man
And liking his bit of the dry land,
He keeps as dry as he can:
There never was wine or weeper
There never was blood or beer
Where he makes cheap comfort cheaper
And dear what a man holds dear.

On the sand where the sea-wave ripples
He proved a number of things
The folly of sticks for cripples
The folly of swords for kings;
And how a man's next-door neighbour
Should be suffered to starve in Hove
Because his particular labour
Is wanted in Ladbroke Grove.

But the Statesmen, true and tireless,
Got wind of his words one day,
Tapped by Marconi wireless,
In a very Marconi way:
And wherever there's public friction
Or the crowd is beginning to groan,
His views come through in a diction
Remarkably like their own.

We don't understand precisely
We almost think from the text,
If you export imports nicely
You can import exports next
It's explained at the next Election
To the finest logical shade:
And when you have freed Protection
Why then you protect Free Trade.

It's not very clear as stated
It might be a yes or a no
But whatever it is, it's fated,
And whatever it says, it's so
Till the whole bally lot go bumping
Where the bad and the good niggers went,
Where they don't care a dump for dumping
Or a cent for eighty per cent.