Classic Poem

I've 'scap'd, o-night, two terrible disasters,
My honour's indignation — and my master 's:
And heaven best knows, what hapless, hole can hide me,
If (to crown all my woes) YOUR help's deny'd me.

L ADIES ! — you see, how much expos'd our sex is:
Sleeping or waking — some sad chance perplexes.
Man's a more wily Snake , than mother Eve's was;
In his own shape — and others to — deceives us:
Hungry devourer! never tir'd, with snapping ; —
Shun him, with open eyes , he'll catch us napping .
Rise, fall — run, stay — standing upright, or lying,
One way, or t'other, he's forever trying —
And, how to 'scape him, if I know — ne'er let me
Break thro' th' entangling nets , that thus beset me.

Now, Gentlemen! — to your own thoughts, appealing ,
( Fitter , I doubt, for making wounds, — than healing! )
— What would you have have poor woman do with H ONOUR ?
When D ANGER heaps such monst'rous loads upon her!
— D'ye think, in conscience now — half-wak'd, half-weary,
With frights fore-gone — for one's departed deary —
T'had been so strange a crime? — or worth such pother?
— In darkness — to mistake one's buss for t'other?
Pray think on't — put yourselves behind the curtain:
What can't be cur'd must be endur'd — that's certain .
'Tis a fair question; — and 'tis plainly ask'd ye:
Answer it — or confess, I've overtask'd ye.
Suppose me, bound , in sleep's soft silken fetter ,
And one of your dear selves the dark besetter .
Sight has no eyes, at midnight — and for touches ,
J OAN (says the proverb) in the dark's — a D UTCHESS .

For my part — I can't find, we've any senses ,
Can furnish such attacks , with fit defences:
If Wedlock's towns lie open , (foes too nigh 'em)
E'en, let the Liege Lord Husband FORTIFY 'em,
— Not safe in one's own bed , without concluding,
That one of love's stray gnats will be intruding,
Let trusty spouse , when bus'ness sends him packing,
( Safe bind, safe find ) — leave no due caution lacking.
Let him place round, lest some night insect eat us,
Nettings of wyre — to keep of Man-musketa's .
Bold must besiegers be, who, then , dare venture,
Where they must storm two forts, before they enter!

I SEE some judge-like eyes , that look too sprightly ,
To miss a S HE law-point, put to 'em rightly.
Is mine the court's decree? — I humbly move it;
That, if your hearts affirm — your hands approve it.