Classic Poem

" IF it should happen that you find guards stern
And not to be moved by either gifts or prayers.
Or tears or any means that you may try,
And they by haughty words or acts severe
Reject all your advances, cursing you,
Then courteously take your leave of them
And let them fry in their own fat; no cheese
Of autumn ever was more quickly cooked
Than they will be. If from them you depart,
They'll make pursuit, which will be to your gain.
A churlish heart is often arrogant;
The more one begs of such, the less he gets;
The more one serves, the more he is despised.
But Pride is soon abased when left alone;
Once conquered, Pride seeks to conciliate.
Foul becomes fair when Pride sees suitors leave.
" The mariner who sails upon the seas,
Searching for many a savage land unknown,
Although he steers but by a single star
Relies not always on a single sail
To win his port through tempest and through storm.
So must the heart that ever loves but one
Rely not always on a single means,
But sometimes flee, at other times pursue,
As best may help him to enjoy his love.
" This should be clear, and I'll no more expound
A text that you may well depend upon:
'Twere well to make your prayer unto these three.
He risks but little who expends but words
Which may avail to soothe their arrogance.
They will accept or else reject your prayer;
You cannot lose more than the time you spend.
A meek petition scarce should raise their ire;
Refusing it may even mend their mood.
Who ever heard of one so villainous
That he could not be flattered by appeal?
Though they may silent be, they can but think
That they are now important, grand, and great,
Possessing all good traits, since they are sought
By suitors of your sort, however speed
The suit. If all goes well, you'll surely win;
If ill, why then you need but comfort take
And try again; and if, as it may hap,
You fail, and well disguise the pain you feel,
The better chance you'll have next time you try.
" But do not tell the jailers at the first
That your design is to deflower the Rose;
Pretend you feel naught but platonic love.
Now rest assured that they can be o'ercome;
They'll not repel you if you treat them right.
Nothing will be refused. Take my advice:
Don't pain yourself to multiply your prayers
If things go wrong; for they may vaunt themselves
For probity if they are not seduced,
But they'll not say a word if they give in.
" They're all alike: however stiff they seem,
They'll ask for bribes that are not offered them,
Or serve for nothing if they are not pressed.
But suitors too precipitate with gifts
May so awaken avarice that they'll raise
The price of roses most inordinately.
Expecting thus to gain advantage, they
Gain naught but disadvantage; without bribe
The jailers had accomplished all they wished
If no advance request had been preferred.
Or, if they wished to let themselves for hire,
The fee had been but small. If 'mongst themselves
All suitors could arrange to give no gifts
And make no prayers to guardians, ere long,
Seeing their roses wither, they'd give in.
Such folk as sell their bodies please me ill;
In no such traffic could I take delight
But, nonetheless, you must avoid delay;
Solicit them, extend to them the net
By which you hope to snare your prey. Beware
Of sloth that might allow your rivals time
To gather — one or two or three or four
Or fifty dozen in as many weeks.
If you delay too long, the guards may turn
To other customers; and they may buy.
No man expects a maid to beg his love;
Too much upon his beauty he relies
If such should be his hope. But whosoe'er
Would see his cause advancing from the start
Must never fear to risk his lady's scorn,
Regardless of how cold and proud she seems.
If only he his craft will wisely steer,
He'll see it reach its haven in good time.
Thus act, companion, when you deal with guards,
But when you find them gruff, make no requests.
Approach them when you see they're light of heart;
Avoid them when you know they're out of sorts,
Unless you wish to brave the bitterness
That's born of jealousy which hurts your cause
Although it might have conquered them for you.
" If you succeed so far that privately
You interview them without fear of spies,
Fair Welcome may from out his prison break,
Where he so long is suffering for you,
And smile upon you as he well knows how.
(To gentlemen he can complaisant be.)
Then will your time have come to pluck the Rose.
Even if Danger should the scandal spread,
Or Shame and Fear complain about the deed,
You'll find they will but feeble struggle make
And laxly feign defense, and, struggling, yield,
As you will by their conduct soon perceive.
Consider them not worth an empty rind
As you see Fear all of a tremble then,
And Shame blush red, and Danger's knees give way,
And all three moan and make most dire complaint.
Lay hands upon your Rose with might and main;
And prove yourself a man when with the time
The place and the occasion both agree.
Nothing, perhaps, will please them more than force
Employed by one who understands its use.
There's many a one whose nature's so perverse
That what she dares not give she'll yield to strength
And feign that what she would permit and wish
Has ravished been from her against her will
Know well that such a one might sorely grieve
If her trumped-up defenses should succeed,
No matter how much joy she might pretend.
" Fear not their hate, no matter how they scold —
No matter how infuriate they seem.
But if by their plain speech you realize
That they are truly wroth, and vigorously
Defend the castle, then withdraw your hand;
Give in, cry mercy, and attend the time
When these three porters who obstruct your path
Shall leave you with Fair Welcome all alone,
Who may vouchsafe complete success for you.
This is the way you should conduct yourself
Toward them: as worthy, valiant, and wise.
" Observe Fair Welcome and his attitude;
Conform yourself to his psychology.
If he seem venerable and serious,
Take care that you solemnity preserve;
If he's facetious, show naivete;
If he is gay, display glad countenance;
If he is angry, share his bitterness;
If he laughs, laugh; and if he weeps, lament.
Praise what he praises (then he'll trust in you);
Love whom he loves, and blame each one he blames.
Each hour take pains to follow all his moods.
" Think you that any gracious-hearted dame
Would love a petulant and foolish boy
Who like an idiot would rave all night
And sing till morning that she found him fair
And how her love for him destroyed her peace?
She'd fear defamement's notoriety
If he cared not who knew about their love.
Passions sung in the streets are quickly known.
She'd be a fool to give her heart to him.
" When wise man talks of love to foolish girl,
He'll never turn her head with sage display;
Let him ne'er think his lore will profit him.
He should employ a style equal with hers
Or else he will be shamed, for she will think
That he's a cheat, a fox, a sorcerer.
Quickly the fool will leave him for a man
Who lowers himself to her, the worthy one
Reject, and pick the worst of all the crowd.
She incubates and nourishes her love
Like to the she-wolf so degenerate
As to select the evilest of the pack.
" If with Fair Welcome you should play at chess
Or dice or tables or some other game,
Play poorly so that he may always win.
Upon whatever game, lose all you stake;
Boast of your losses and make light of them.
So shall you gain the mastery in play.
Praise his behavior, countenance, and dress.
Serve him with all your skill; so serve your cause.
If he would sit, bring him a stool or chair;
If you see fall on him a speck of dust,
Remove it straightway though it be but small;
Protect his robe from trailing in the dirt.
In brief, do whatsoe'er you think would please.
If you thus act, you need fear no repulse;
But to your goal, as I have said, you'll surely win. "