Classic Poem

" HOWE'ER the matter fall, let gallants guard
Lest they learn ill the arts and sciences
That would secure, and if need were, defend
Them and their ladies from abandonment.
Such arts uplift above the fear of grief.
So let each strive my counsel to retain
Ever in mind. If e'er he thinks or knows
His lady, be she young or old, desires
To seek another friend, or has secured
New love already, let him not reproach
Or blame the acquisition or the wish.
Amiably let him pursue his course
Nor scold nor chide; or even further go
To make estrangement less: if he her find
E'en in the very act, let him pretend
That he is blind, or simple as an ox,
And never look that way — make her believe
That he has not detected anything.
If someone send his love a billet-doux,
He should not intercept it or attempt
To read it or search out their secrets there.
He ne'er should wish to contravene her will,
But make her welcome when she reaches home
After a walk upon the street, and smile
Wherever she may wish to go, as if
He centered all his will in her desires;
For women never like to be restrained.
" Follow this counsel and what more I'll give,
Which should be writ in books for men to read:
You who would seek to gain a lady's grace
Must set her free to come and go at will
And never try to hamper her with rules.
Be she your mistress or your wife, you lose
Her love as soon as you make an attempt
To check her liberty to come and go.
If man or woman come to you with tales
About your lady, saying what they've seen,
Never believe a word of it — assert
That they are foolish to report such news.
It never could have been so chaste a wife,
Always respectable above reproach,
That they have seen; therefore you can't believe
That she would ever do a thing like that.
" Even her vices one must not reproach —
Much less, to punish, lay his hands on her.
For he who'd beat his wife in hopes to make
Her love him better, when again he tries
Her to conciliate, will find his task
As hard as that of one who beats a cat
To tame her, then attempts to call her back
To put her collar on; if puss gets loose,
In vain will be attempts at catching her.
" Though it be she who scolds or beats her spouse,
He must take care that his heart does not change.
He must not take revenge for words or blows
Or even nails that scratch him to the quick,
But rather give her thanks and e'en assert
That willingly he'd live such martyrdom
Forever could he only be assured
That she delighted in his services —
Better to die than be divorced from her!
" If it should chance that he the quarrel starts
Because she has been too censorious
And cruel in her frowns and menaces,
Let him look well, before he leaves her side,
That he buy peace, that he make love to her,
Especially if he lacks property;
For his advantages will then be least.
A poor man quickly finds he's left alone
Unless he bows before his lady's will.
He must live cautiously — humbly endure
Without a semblance of ill will or ire
Whate'er he sees or hears her say or do;
While in like case a richer man would care
Less than two peas, and well might scold and rage
In all the pride of his authority.
" If one should wish to seek a second love
And yet not lose the first, when he presents
His latest sweetheart with a handkerchief,
Scarf or headdress, ring or fan or belt
Or jewel set with dainty workmanship;
Let him take care the other knows it not.
Cruel would be her agony at heart
If she the other saw such presents wear,
And nothing would avail to comfort her.
Then let him ne'er allow his second love
To go with him into the selfsame place
Where with the first it was his wont to go
And where perchance they'd meet. If that should hap,
And she should find him with her there, no ruse
Would help him to escape. No ancient boar
Could bristle half so fiercely when by dogs
He is attacked; no lioness, beset
By hunters while she give her cublings suck,
Could be more fierce and fell; no snake whose tail
Some wayfarer has trod upon (no joke
It is for him!) could be more venomous
Than wife who finds her spouse with someone else.
Body and soul aflame, she flashes fire;
And even though she never should surprise
The two together in a proven fault,
She well may feel an equal jealousy
Because she thinks or knows she is deceived.
Howe'er it goes, whether she knows or thinks,
Let him be bold to disavow the crime
And even swear with oaths she knows are false.
If he can so contrive with blandishments
That she will join him in the game of love
At once and on the spot, her plaints will cease.
" If, on the other hand, she agonize
And so assail him that he must confess,
Let him no longer try to make defense;
But if he can compel her to believe
That though he struggled hard to overcome
The temptress' wiles, his efforts were in vain.
Moreover, he'll assure her that her watch
Has been so strict — he's been confined so close —
That never have they had the slightest chance
Till this time their conjunction to complete.
Let him then promise, swear, and make his oath
That he in future will behave so well
That never will there come to her a word
Reproaching him; or, if she should again
Have reason to suspect him, willingly
He'll let her kill him or drive him quite mad.
" He'd rather that the naughty renegade,
Her rival, should be drowned, than that again
She bring him to the pass where they were caught.
If it should happen that she sent for him
Again, he would not go at her command;
Nor would he let her come, could he prevent,
To any place where he might later be.
" Then let him tenderly embrace his love,
Kiss and caress her, give her comforting,
And beg her mercy for his sad misdeed
That never will committed be again.
He'll swear that he is truly sorrowful
And ready any penance to perform
That she may be desirous to enjoin
When she has pardoned him. Then let him urge,
If he would be forgiven for stolen joys,
That she herself should satisfy his need.
Let him give her no cause to fear his boasts.
Vile shame it is that many a one defames
With false and feigned stories the good name
Of many a lady he has ne'er possessed.
Such are not courteous or worth-while men,
But ones whose failing hearts impede success.
A villain vice is vaunting; he who brags.
Is worse than fool; the wise man who succeeds
Conceals the fact. Love's treasures are best hid
From all but faithful friend who'll quiet keep;
To him the sweetheart's boons may be revealed.
" If his loved one fall ill, a man will strive,
And rightly, to be serviceable to her
That later he may in her favor be.
Let no discomfort keep him from her then,
But let her see him bending o'er her couch
With streaming eyes and reassuring kiss
And vows of pilgrimages he will make
To distant shrines if God permit her cure.
If he is wise, he'll bring her food she likes
And never any bitter medicines
Or anything but what is good and sweet.
Let him tell tales of pleasant lies composed:
How all last night upon his lonely couch
He slept but little and lay waking long;
But when he dozed he dreamed that in his arms
All night, restored and well, she naked lay
Solacing him with lavishment of love
And her delightful charms till it was day.
This fable, or the like, he'll tell to her.
" So far I've told in verse how lover should
His lady serve, in sickness or in health,
If he'd deserve her favors and her love,
And in them both continue. He who fails
To do what he should do will find love quenched.
No man can be so sure of womankind,
Or know his lady well enough, to feel,
How loyal e'er she be and waverless —
However firmly fixed her heart may be —
That he can hold her, with his utmost care,
Better than by the tail he'd hold an eel
Caught in the Seine, so that it could not move
Or get away as soon as it was caught.
That creature cannot be so wholly tamed
That it's not ever ready to escape;
No one can cope with all its various shifts.
" I say not that there are no women good
Who fix restraint by virtue on their lives;
But only that, although I've tested them,
I've found none such. Not even Solomon,
Who well knew how to try them, could find one;
For he himself affirms he never saw
A woman steadfast. If with greatest pains
Your search should find one, seize and hold her fast;
In her you'll have a sweetheart who's so choice
That she'll belong entirely to you.
If she has no desire to gad about
And gain a lover elsewhere, and no man
Comes seeking her, she'll keep her chastity.
" Before I leave this subject, I will add
Just one brief word which will apply to each
Maiden, or fair or foul, whose love you seek.
Remember to observe and hold most dear
This my command: Give her to understand
That you against her can make no defense
So much abashed are you, and overcome
By her desert and beauty. There's no maid
Good, bad, young, old, religious, secular —
Not even a nun, chaste in both body and soul —
Who'll not delight to hear her beauty praised.
No matter though she be considered foul,
Swear that she is more lovely than a fay,
And say it with assurance. She'll believe
You easily; for each one thinks herself
Sufficiently possessed of loveliness,
However ugly she may be, to gain
A lover. Every gallant gentleman,
If he as courtier would have success,
Should be thus diligent to hold his love
And hesitate her follies to reprove.
" A lady hates most to be criticized;
For she considers that instinctively
She knows how she should play her part, and needs
For her vocation no one's tutelage.
Unless he wish his lady to displease,
No man dispraises anything she does.
Just as a cat by nature knows the art
Of catching mice, nor can be taught to change —
For kittens e'er are with that science born
And need no schooling — so do womenkind
Most foolishly believe they always know
By native instinct that which they should do,
Whether it's wrong or right, or good or bad,
Or what you will; so they correction hate.
Their science from no master will they learn;
They're born with it and can forget no part.
He who would teach will ne'er enjoy their love.
" Companion, thus it is with your sweet Rose,
So precious that you'd never substitute
For her whatever treasure you might have,
If you could gain her. When at last you win
Her favors, as your hope predicts you will,
And all your joy is finally complete,
Guard her as such a flower should guarded be,
And you'll enjoy a love beyond compare.
In forty cities you'll not find her peer. "
" Tis true, " said I; " there is not in the world
One whose possession was and is so sweet! "
My Friend consoled me thus; in his advice
I set great store, and verily believe
That he knows more than Reason in this case.
And ere he finished his discourse, which I
Found so agreeable, Sweet Thought returned;
Sweet Speech also, who afterward remained
And scarcely from that day e'er left my side.
But they brought not Sweet Sight; nor could I blame
Their failure, for I knew they did the best they could.