Classic Poem

A PROVINCIAL BALLAD .

What gossips prattled in the sun,
Who talk'd him fairly down,
Up, Mem'ry! tell; 'tis Suffolk fun,
And lingo of their own.

Ah! Judie Twitchet! though thou 'rt dead,
With thee the tale begins;
For still seems thrumming in my head
The rattling of thy pins.

Thou Queen of knitters! for a ball
Of worsted was thy pride;
With dangling stockings great and small,
And world of clack beside!

" We did so laugh; the moon shone bright;
" More fun you never knew;
" 'Twas F ARMER C HEERUM'S Horkey Night ,
" And I, and G RACE , and S UE — —

" But bring a stool, sit round about,
" And boys, be quiet, pray;
" And let me tell my story out;
" 'Twas sitch a merry day!

" The butcher whistled at the door,
" And brought a load of meat;
" Boys rubb'd their hands, and cried, " there's more!"
" Dogs wagg'd their tails to see't.

" On went the boilers till the hake
" Had much ado to bear 'em;
" The magpie talk'd for talking' sake,
" Birds sung: — but who could hear 'em?

" Creak went the jack; the cats were scar'd ,
" We had not time to heed 'em,
" The owd hins cackled in the yard,
" For we forgot to feed 'em!

" Yet 'twas not I, as I may say,
" Because as how, d'ye see,
" I only help'd there for the day;
" They cou'dn't lay't to me.

" Now M RS . C HEERUM'S best lace cap
" Was mounted on her head,
" Guests at the door began to rap,
" And now the cloth was spread.

" Then clatter went the earthen plates —
" " Mind, J UDIE ," was the cry;
" I could have cop't them at their pates;
" " Trenchers for me," said I,

" That look so clean upon the ledge,
" All proof against a fall;
" They never turn a sharp knife's edge; —
" But fashion rules us all.

" Home came the jovial Horkey load ,
" Last of the whole year's crop;
" And G RACE amongst the green boughs rode
" Right plump upon the top.

" This way and that the waggon reel'd,
" And never queen rode higher;
" Her cheeks were colour'd in the fields,
" And ours before the fire.

" The laughing harvest-folks, and J OHN ,
" Came in and look'd askew;
" 'Twas my red face that set them on,
" And then they leer'd at S UE .

" And Farmer C HEERUM went, good man,
" And broach'd the Horkey beer;
" And sitch a mort of folks began
" To eat up our good cheer.

" Says, he " Thank God for what's before us;
" That thus we meet agen;"
" The mingling voices, like a chorus,
" Join'd cheerfully, " Amen." —

" Welcome and plenty, there they found 'em,
" The ribs of beef grew light;
" And puddings — till the boys got round 'em,
" And then they vanish'd quite!

" Now all the guests, with Farmer C ROUDER ,
" Began to prate of corn;
" And we found out they talk'd the louder,
" The oft'ner pass'd the Horn.

" Out came the nuts; we set a cracking;
" The ale came round our way:
" By gom , we women fell a clacking
" As loud again as they,

" John sung " Old Benbow" loud and strong,
" And I, " The Constant Swain;"
" " Cheer up, my Lads," was Simon's song,
" " We'll conquer them again."

" Now twelve o'clock was drawing nigh,
" And all in merry cue;
" I knock'd the cask, " O, ho!" said I,
" " We've almost conquer'd you."

" My Lord begg'd round, and held his hat,
" Says Farmer G RUFF , says he,
" " There's many a Lord, Sam , I know that,
" " Has begg'd as well as thee."

" Bump in his hat the shillings tumbled
" All round among the folks;
" " Laugh if you wool," said Sam, and mumbled,
" " You pay for all your jokes."

" Joint stock, you know, among the men,
" To drink at their own charges;
" So up they got full drive, and then
" Went out to halloo largess!

" And sure enough the noise they made!
— " But let me mind my tale:
" We follow'd them, we worn't afraid,
" We'ad all been drinking ale.

" As they stood hallooing back to back,
" We, lightly as a feather,
" Went sideling round, and in a crack
" Had pinn'd their coats together.

" 'Twas near upon 't as light as noon;
" " A largess ," on the hill,
" They shouted to the full round moon,
" I think I hear 'em still!

" But when they found the trick, my stars!
" They well knew who to blame,
" Our giggles turn'd to loud ha, ha's,
" And arter us they came.

" The hindmost was the dairy-maid,
" And Sam came blundering by;
" She could not shun him, so they said;
" I know she did not try.

" And off set J OHN , with all his might,
" To chase me down the yard,
" Till I was nearly gran'd outright;
" He hugg'd so woundy hard.

" Still they kept up the race and laugh,
" And round the house we flew;
" But hark ye! the best fun by half
" Was S IMON arter S UE .

" She car'd not, dark nor light, not she,
" So, near the dairy door
" She pass'd a clean white hog, you see,
" They'd kilt the day before.

" High on the spirket there it hung, —
" " Now, S USIE — what can save ye?"
" Round the cold pig his arms he flung,
" And cried, " Ah! here I have ye! "

" The farmers heard what S IMON said,
" And what a noise! good lack!
" Some almost laugh'd themselves to dead ,
" And others clapt his back.

" We all at once began to tell
" What fun we had abroad;
" But Simon stood our jeers right well,
— " He fell asleep and snor'd.

" Then in his button-hole upright,
" Did Farmer C ROUDER put
" A slip of paper, twisted tight,
" And held the candle to't .

" It smok'd, and smok'd, beneath his nose,
" The harmless blaze crept higher;
" Till with a vengeance up he rose,
" Fire, J UDIE , S UE ! fire, fire!

" The clock struck one — some talk'd of parting,
" Some said it was a sin,
" And hitch'd their chairs; — but those for starting
" Now let the moonlight in.

" Owd women, loitering for the nonce ,
" Stood praising the fine weather;
" The menfolks took the hint at once
" To kiss them altogether.

" And out ran every soul beside,
" A shanny-pated crew;
" Owd folks could neither run nor hide,
" So some ketch'd one, some tew .

" They skriggl'd and began to scold,
" But laughing got the master;
" Some quack'ling cried, " let go your hold;"
" The farmers held the faster.

" All innocent, that I'll be sworn,
" There worn't a bit of sorrow,
" And women, if their gowns are torn,
" Can mend them on the morrow.

" Our shadows helter skelter danc'd
" About the moonlight ground;
" The wondering sheep, as on we pranc'd,
" Got up and gaz'd around.

" And well they might — till Farmer C HEERUM ,
" Now with a hearty glee,
" Bade all good morn as he came near 'em,
" And then to bed went he.

" Then off we stroll'd this way and that,
" With merry voices ringing;
" And Echo answer'd us right pat,
" As home we rambled singing.

" For, when we laugh'd, it laugh'd again,
" And to our own doors follow'd!
" " Yo, ho!" we cried; " Yo, ho!" so plain,
" The misty meadow halloo'd.

" That's all my tale, and all the fun,
" Come, turn your wheels about;
" My worsted, see! — that's nicely done,
" Just held my story out!! "

Poor J UDIE ! — Thus Time knits or spins
The worsted from Life's ball!
Death stopt thy tales, and stopt thy pins,
— And so he'll serve us all.