Classic Poem

LET ME BE SELF APPROVED

Let me be self approved
Once I looked for God's approval and served God with abject favor
Now I look only for self approval, for I have learned that God's approval would noway help me if I did not approve myself
I wished for the approval of men and bowed to the meanness of men to get it,
I wished for the approval of my estate and accepted its incomes to get it,
I wished for the approval of the suit I wore and of the food I ate and dressed myself fool and ate myself hog to get it,
I wished for the approval of the scholars and rehearsed in dead cultures to get it,
I wished for the approval of the soldiers and murdered my brothers to get it,
I wished for the approval of the statesmen and lied in the word of the law to get it:
And so I left myself behind and traveled everywhere asking for my discarded consort,
And that is why men gazed at me and asked me what I was looking for and I never could tell them—
And that is why I put the universe into a scale and found it short weight and charged up a bill against it.
All round me were men and women restless with resentments toward life,
Men and women who had put life away in their cashboxes and sat before a dead resolution mourning their lost children,
Men and women who had deferred themselves to something not themselves and gone short in the investment,
Men and women who believed they could put themselves in pawn and redeem themselves at will,
The dear men and women nearest to me and farthest from me who took their heritage at the full and left it empty.
The root of the tree was self approved, then came the tree,
The dream of the picture was self approved, then came the picture,
The forenotes of the song were self approved, then came the song,
The instinct of the good deed was self approved, then came the good deed.
The regret of the robber was self approved, then he gave back the goods,
The repentance of the murderer was self approved, then his soul became guiltless,
The awakening of the successful man was self approved, then he refused success.
Until the soul is self approved what counts the approval of the world?
Until the skill of the arm is self approved what becomes of the skill of the arm?
Until the honor of the meal is self approved what becomes of the substance of the meal?
Until the love of the lover is self approved what becomes of the seed of his love?
Let me not be self deceived:
Let me not put hands in trespass upon my own body,
Let me not put thought in trespass upon my own mind,
Let me not put love in trespass upon my own heart,
Let me be unclean but let me not prove to myself that I am clean,
Let me turn brute among men but let me not convince myself that I am gentle,
Let me dishonor woman but let me not recognize my dishonor as love,
Let me stray in and out of myself always freely acknowledged to the last atom of my disgrace—
Myself with myself, wandered and fallen, wanton and cruel,
Giants forever face to face in the trial hours of the soul.
Do you think I would ever do man an evil turn if I was honest with myself?
I am never dishonest with other men—I could not be:
I am only dishonest with myself—I am a traitor turned loose underground.
I am not errant because my greed has its victims:
I am errant because my victims have a victim who is myself.
There is no gap between men—there is only a gap in the man:
There is no gap between the rich and the poor—there is only the blank space between the rich and the poor in my heart:
There is no conqueror and no conquered—there is only an abyss in me between my two souls weeping for union:
There is no master and no slave—there is only the mastery and slavery of my two natures within me reaching over a dreadful hiatus of desire.
Let me be self approved:
Once I prayed to God for myself and went hungry and thirsty with a full meal:
Now I pray to myself for God and though my lips receive neither food nor drink I am fed on richest returns.