Member Poem

there was never a time

when I didn’t feel fear

didn’t feel the hands around my throat

the cold barrel pointed at my face

the chill of the emotional front.

that vacant stare

I will always have

as my memories continue

to rip through me, freight-train hot

and burning still years later

all in real-time relived daily programming

everything I see/feel/hear/taste/smell

from the surgery scarred eyes of my husband

to the grass blaze-green in the front

to the art on the wall

to my own breath

there will never be true sanity

there is no solution

to the ache for a past free of fear.

the sounds of the combustion engine

the ripped apart pieces of a life

worth little to begin with anyway

there was never a time

when I ever felt safe

ever felt the soft embrace

of what it meant to be truly happy.