Classic Poem

Ms Urselye — alius Arslys Triumphs

Some Frends to make themselves and Others merry
Upon a time took water in a Wherry
At Puddle Dock; and thence 'thout other wind
Than what the Collick fournisht from behind
Constant Nose-East to Holborn-bridg they huff
At One Spring-Tide and take the Coast in Snuff
Honors (Cry They) through perills must invite us
And wee'l row on although they doe —
The Haight's well known, wherat the Breaking Clowds
Of this Horizon doe bespatter shrowds
And what Those Powers are, They cannot Sink us
Only Their showre may stayn and soe be —
This to sett forth least any pen should lack
Ben, undertakes it: not from's Butt of Sack
But from the Barrell, for it best agrees
With Turn-ups Ale: to write of dreggs with Lees,
A Kinderkin's sufficient t'make a Solon
In Poetry when as the subjects Colon
Braynes washt in Beer, or layd a steep in wort
Thorough Port-Eskelon make Cannons sqwort
Which hazard all within that Gulf doe trade
Of Poysoning if not of being be —
The Radiant fier of Sherries nobler spirit
Or any of that Race that doe inherit
One Drop of Helicon must heer guive place
We write of that is Contrary to Face
For as th'Antipodes to us doe Ranke
Their Feet to Feet, soe Countnance heer's point Blank
A Turn-gutt Clark with other Petty-foggers
Produce their Client at the Barr of Boggers
A Taxes Common Pleas, wher sentence feeles
Justice when overflown run down by th'heeles
Which Court as Others Crowded is with Craft
Soe Ms. Ursely sells heer mornings-draft
Two Far-s one Fiz-l 3. back — belc-s more
Proves currant coyne to satesfy the skoar
And since I name Her I must needs disclose
Her features, They'r two Cheekes without a Nose
Soe that for Goodman Snott He must forbear
And only kiss the pocket Handkecher
She needs noe Looking-glass soe goodman jorden
Lest a Stale-Frend Her Vessels to put T — in
If you will have me say what ere I can
Of Her: she is Natures Philistian
And beggers all those Empericks indite
Their recipes in Characters to sh —
Noe Citty Bands soe readely discharge
Their peeces (when the powder's dank); nor Barge
Laden with Dunge more Fragrancy doth spare
When Emptying; for to perphume the Ayre
This the Bear-Guarden-quite putts down for smell
And Jack that sh — soe far at Epsom Well
If you for more look let the Stigian Lake
And Akeron sweat prayses for Her sake.