The Paradise of Lecturers
When you might be a name for the world to acclaim, and when Opulence dawns on the view,
Why slave like a Turk at Collegiate work for a wholly inadequate screw?
Why grind at the trade — insufficiently paid — of instructing for Mods. and for Greats,
When fortunes immense are diurnally made by a lecturing tour in the States?
Do you know that in scores they will pay at the doors — these millions in darkness who grope —
For a glimpse of Mark Twain or a word from Hall Caine or a reading from Anthony Hope?
We are ignorant here of the glorious career which conspicuous talent awaits:
Not a master of style but is making his pile by the lectures he gives in the States!
With amazement I hear of the chances they lose — of the simply incredible sums
Which a Barrie might have (if he did not refuse) for reciting A Window in Thrums :
Of the prospects of gain which are offered in vain as a sop to the Laureate's pride:
Of the price which I learn Mr. Bradshaw might earn by declaiming his excellent Guide.
Columbia! desist from soliciting those who your bribes and petitions contemn:
Though plutocrats scorn the rewards you propose, there are others superior to them:
Why burden the proud with superfluous pelf, who wealth in abundance possess,
When indigent Worth (I allude to myself) would go for substantially less?
For Europe, I know, to oblivion may doom the fruits of my talented brain,
But they're perfectly sure of creating a boom in the wilds of Kentucky and Maine:
They'll appreciate there my illustrious work on the way to make Pindar to scan,
And Culture will hum in the State of New York when I read it my essay on — Av !
I've a scheme, which is this: I will start for the West as a Limited Lecturing Co.,
And the public invite in the same to invest to the tune of a million or so:
They will all be recouped for initial expense by receiving their share of the — gates — ,
Which I venture to think will be truly immense when I lecture on Prose in the States.
Thus Merit will not be permitted to rot — as it does — on Obscurity's shelf:
Thus the national hoard shall with profit be stored (with a trifle of course for myself):
For lectures are dear in that fortunate sphere, and are paid for at fabulous rates, —
All the gold of Klondike isn't anything like to the sums that are made in the States!
Why slave like a Turk at Collegiate work for a wholly inadequate screw?
Why grind at the trade — insufficiently paid — of instructing for Mods. and for Greats,
When fortunes immense are diurnally made by a lecturing tour in the States?
Do you know that in scores they will pay at the doors — these millions in darkness who grope —
For a glimpse of Mark Twain or a word from Hall Caine or a reading from Anthony Hope?
We are ignorant here of the glorious career which conspicuous talent awaits:
Not a master of style but is making his pile by the lectures he gives in the States!
With amazement I hear of the chances they lose — of the simply incredible sums
Which a Barrie might have (if he did not refuse) for reciting A Window in Thrums :
Of the prospects of gain which are offered in vain as a sop to the Laureate's pride:
Of the price which I learn Mr. Bradshaw might earn by declaiming his excellent Guide.
Columbia! desist from soliciting those who your bribes and petitions contemn:
Though plutocrats scorn the rewards you propose, there are others superior to them:
Why burden the proud with superfluous pelf, who wealth in abundance possess,
When indigent Worth (I allude to myself) would go for substantially less?
For Europe, I know, to oblivion may doom the fruits of my talented brain,
But they're perfectly sure of creating a boom in the wilds of Kentucky and Maine:
They'll appreciate there my illustrious work on the way to make Pindar to scan,
And Culture will hum in the State of New York when I read it my essay on — Av !
I've a scheme, which is this: I will start for the West as a Limited Lecturing Co.,
And the public invite in the same to invest to the tune of a million or so:
They will all be recouped for initial expense by receiving their share of the — gates — ,
Which I venture to think will be truly immense when I lecture on Prose in the States.
Thus Merit will not be permitted to rot — as it does — on Obscurity's shelf:
Thus the national hoard shall with profit be stored (with a trifle of course for myself):
For lectures are dear in that fortunate sphere, and are paid for at fabulous rates, —
All the gold of Klondike isn't anything like to the sums that are made in the States!
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