Classic Poem

ACT . I. S CEN. IV.

Philostratus, Callimachus, Prusias.

Phil. Now who would live in peace good Prusias ? tell me,
Is it not better far to seize your Prey
In open field, than to stand whimpring at
The Chamber door, like to the little Spaniel?
Cal. Or scratch upon the Wainscot like my Ladies
Black Cat to gain Admittance?
Phil. Here you do not
With folded Arms embrace your self, because
You can't embrace your Mistris — —
Pru. Right — —
Cal. You do not
Stand in as many Postures, as a Painters
Servant, when that his Master is to daub
Some peopled Bus'ness in a Pyebald Canvass.
Phil. You do not lye Perdue under the shelter
Of an unmercifull Balcony, to
Get the Advouzon of an half kiss, when
Her first-born wrinkle shall indent her forehead.
Call. You do not stand enchanted at her door,
Gaping, and yawning, as if some Apothecary
Had hir'd your Mouth, and set it for stray Gnats,
And Vagabond Flies.
Pru. Sweet Captain, prethee on.
Cal. At home there's trick on trick. Celadon he
Loves Amaryllis, Amaryllis Daphnis ,
But Daphnis Cloe, Cloe Melibaeus ,
Fond Melibaeus Mopsa, Mopsa at last
Some body, that loves some body, that I know not:
Affection goes like a Pedigree; Heart loves Heart
To th' end o'th' Chapter.
Phil. No such Labyrinth here:
No needles hanging at each others Tailes.
No Cupid here preserves the Tears of Lovers
To mix 'em with the Ashes of burnt Hearts,
To make a Lie to wash his Mothers smock in,
Which silly sighs must dry.
Cal. You shall not have
A wench cry pish, and puh. And is't not better
To clap the Bargain up for a brace of Drachma's,
Than to be bound to call all Women Nymphs,
And Goddesses, and Hamadryades;
That, when you are alone i'th' Woods, they'l please
To be such willing Worms as Men call Milkmaids.
Pru. Troth I ne'r thought 'em Deities: I was
Alwaies of this opinion, that they did
Consist of Flesh and Bloud. I now begin
To like all well in War, except the fighting.
Phil. The bravest sport is yet to come: The Ransack
O'th' Citty, that's the chiefest. You shall have
This Lord come profer you his Daughter, this
Burgesse his Wife, and that unskilfull youth
Pray you begin to him in 's trembling Bride.
Pru. I'm for your tender Maidenheads: I would not
Venture my self with a stale Virgin, or
A season'd Widow for a Kingdom.
Cal. Shalt
Make choice among a thousand; let thy Affection
Fly at a Flock, a Cloud of Game: I'm tickled
To think how we shall find one toothless Matron
Environ'd round, and cheerfully besiedg'd,
With her Strong-water Cellar; The other compass'd
With five or six good large deep-belly'd Bottles,
And both of them mumping for Consolation.
Phil. Then a step farther, and one fearfull Lady
Squatted among her Sweetmeats; th' other wedg'd
Between her Gally-pots and Fucusses;
A third perhaps doing her Devotions in
Potent Eringo's, or praying to her Gellies
Against the good houre comes, and all to find
Grace in the Conquerours Eyes, Mine, Thine, or His.
Call. Then, for the spoile, we shall come loaded home,
Gold, Silver, Garments, Pictures, Jewels, Statues,
Great massy Goblets, Chalices, and Gods,
Women, and Boys, catch he that can, they are
His own that first laies hold on them. Dull Peace!
Hang her! she doth allow us nothing but
Those barren things Statutes, and Matrimony.
Pru. I'l to the houses where I think I shall
Meet with the best Conserves, and tenderst Virgins;
Sweetmeats and Maidenheads are all I aime at:
I shall not be so good at spoil as you,
Being I am but a new-made Captain: wherefore
If you Callimachus , or you Philostratus
Meet with a handsome Perruke, pray y' reserve it
For your friend Prusias — — Peace, here comes Misander .