Classic Poem

ACT II. Scene II.

[ Pyl. ] Do we appear, and yet no Reverence seen?
Woman, you are unmanner'd.
Euth. This directed
To me, or whom?
Pyl. Is't not enough that you
Were thought so worthy by the City, as
To have your Face sent as a waiting Picture
'Mong ours, and so arrive to th' possibility
Of lying she-perdieu with some old souldier,
To save the use of Furrs and Bearskins, but
Forgetfull of your own condition
(If it be any to be a Waiting-maid)
You must contemn us to our Face, and dare
To stand upright, not bowing as we pass.
Euth. But that I think this Humor (new put on
This Morning with that dresse) will set with th' Sun,
Being but a Pageant of one day, I would
Trouble my self to answer you good Widdow.
Pyl. Good Widdow! Y'are a Creature, who at best
Are but a living Utensill, a kind
Of Sensitive Instrument, grac'd with the Title
Of overseeing your Lady's dear delights:
What doe you else but feel the Monky's pulse,
And cater Spiders for the queasie Creature
When it refuseth Comfits? What doe y'else
But set perfidious wiles for simple Flyes
To keep game ready for the Parakeeto?
You'll tell me, that you place disorder'd hairs,
Rank some transgressing Curls, call in the Corner
Of some uncivill Ribband that starts out,
And will not keep the Discipline. You'l tell me,
Perhaps, that you manage the Pencill too,
Write white and red, and mend the faults of Nature;
Pray y' what of this? where you are best esteem'd
You only pass under the favourable Name
Of humble Cozens, that sit below the Salt.
Eut. This Creature you call Waiting-woman, were
She yours, perhaps were all you've said: but there
Is difference in Relations, and Things
Alter their Nature with their Places. Black
I'th' Teeth is Darkness, but i'th' Eye becomes
A colour of Resplendency: what is
Elsewhere unseemly, beams, and sparkles there.
That I obey this Lady (whom I cannot
Name without honour) comes not from the Meanness
Of Birth, or want of Fortunes, but from that
Desire I have to store my mind with good.
Endowments are an inbred Soveraignty;
Shee that hath more than I, hath more Rule too;
Which yet by fit degrees I do partake,
As I partake her Vertues. To serve thus,
Is but to light my Taper at Anothers,
That I see burns more cleer.
Pyl. This you have conn'd
Out of some wandring Story that you read
To make your Lady sleep.
Eut. To wipe away
This, and what else remains; the Names, and Offices
We undergo, take not at all from worth.
The Sun doth dress your Gardens, will you stile
His Beams from thence Ignoble? Gentle winds
That wait upon your Flours, purge, and refine them.
And doing, what you please to misname Servile,
At once conveigh Perfumes to them, and borrow
A Tincture thence, which they had not before.
Which makes 'em flie more gratefull: Can you thence
Call those pure Blasts dishonourable? will you
Think 'em vile Instruments, and Utensils,
And rank them 'mongst the Pesantry of things?
Common Opinion blinds you. What is this,
But to unite good Qualities, and mix
Two better Natures to the making of
A third in each outshining both. To deal
Thus with the Vertuous then, cannot be Service;
But sweet Commerce: no Fate, or Force, but only
Our free Election. More I could repay
In a Comparison of this Condition,
And yours; were it not so Ingenuous,
As not to give Offence, though't be to those
Who do provoke it.
Leuc. Pray you hear me too.
Those your dishonourable Offices, you please
To fasten on her, are a double wrong:
For you suppose that there is one so wanton
As to enjoyn 'em, when you say there is
One so ridiculously idle, as
To busie her self in the performance of 'em.
Pyl. The first thing I'll do, when I'm chosen Queen
By that Judicious Tyrant, shall be to
Pronounce both of you Traitouresses.
Chry. Pray y' let
The common thought of our ensuing Fate
Compose this strife. It was an hard Decree
Without our leaves to send our Pictures. I
Have pray'd unto Diana , that I may
Appear most ugly, and, me thoughts, the Image
Did seem to grant, and bow'd.
Leuc. Some chaster God
Cast an unshapen Cloud before his Eyes,
And make him loath, as soon as he shall see.
Pyl. Come, come, y' are raw: you little think what 'tis
To be a Tyrant's Consort. You may get
This, or that head you hate, for every kisse.
I would not clip him, unlesse 'twere to strangle
Some one I was offended with. Be not
So sad, I'l warrant you for being chosen.
Our Picture's sent; 'tis I must be your Queen.
Chry. I hope 'twill be your fortune, being you wish it.
Pyl. Do you but hope? It must be so; you wrong us
If that you are not sure on't. We will give you
All Places in our Court: We will create
New Offices; Elpidia , you shall be
Lady o'th' Fan; You, Chryse , of the Colours;
Leucasia , wiper of our Glasse; Euthalpe ,
If she repent, may keep our Mercury water.
Some Grooms o'th' Teeth, and others of the hair;
Mistres o'th' Fricace, one, one of the Powders,
One of — — I know not what. Then there shall be
A pair of Secretaries to the State
For Love-Letters to Forrain Princes, for
Whom we will found a Library, which shall
Be only stor'd with Play-books, and Romances.
Elp. 'Twould be a labour worthy of your Highnesse
To bind the liquorish Courtiers to the Peace,
As oft as we are drest for Masques and Playes.
We cannot keep a Pleat unrumpled, or
An Head-tire undisturb'd for them: what we
Have been two days in building, in a minute
Is ruin'd by their boisterous Foppery.
Pyl. Wee'l call a Parliament of women, choose
Burgesses out o'th' Matrons of the City:
Then wee'l reform all that we think Abuses,
Both Male and Female. Not a Courtier shall
Dare to pretend to th' understanding of
Ought else besides a Play; nor learn a Language
Except it be in Fashion; write no Poetry,
Unlesse it be an Anagram upon
His Mistresses Name, or a thin Distich on
Her little Spaniell. Then it shall be treason
T' appear with a full Calf before the Ladies.
No Lord shall be permitted then to trespasse
A bed with's Lady, but on Festivall Nights,
If that he be an Impotent convicted.
Women shall be allow'd to tempt and wooe:
Especially if that the Man or is,
Or else hath lately been a Student in
Our Famous University of Athens .
Lastly, no Lord shall Authorize a Fashion,
It being a Prerogative, that wee'l
Wholly reserve unto our self. I swell
With Axioms, Methods, Rules; I have as strong
A Modell in mine head of Reformation,
As they that are most factious — —