Classic Poem

A DISCOURSE DELIVERED BY A COLLEGE TUTOR AT A SUPPER-PARTY

Y E Dons and ye Doctors, ye Provosts and Proctors,
— Who are paid to monopolize knowledge,
Come make opposition by voice and petition
— To the radical infidel College;
Come put forth your powers in aid of the towers
— Which boast of their Bishops and Martyrs,
And arm all the terrors of privileged errors
— Which live by the wax of their Charters.

Let Macintosh battle with Canning and Vattel,
— Let Brougham be a friend to the " niggers,"
Burdett cure the nation's misrepresentations,
— And Hume cut a figure in figures;
But let them not babble of Greek to the rabble,
— Nor teach the mechanics their letters;
The labouring classes were born to be asses,
— And not to be aping their betters.

'Tis a terrible crisis for Cam and for Isis!
— Fat butchers are learning dissection;
And looking-glass-makers become sabbath-breakers
— To study the rules of reflection;
" Sin:" and " sin: " — what sins can be sweeter?
— Are taught to the poor of both sexes,
And weavers and spinners jump up from their dinners
— To flirt with their Y's and their X's.

Chuck-farthing advances the doctrine of chances
— In spite of the staff of the beadle;
And menders of breeches between the long stitches
— Write books on the laws of the needle;
And chandlers all chatter of luminous matter
— Who communicate none to their tallows,
And rogues get a notion of the pendulum's motion
— Which is only of use at the gallows.