Insomnia

Red rings form around my eyes
Burning from the vastness
Of another day of all-grey skies
And trying to figure out what the past is

My torso yearns to meet the horizon—
I am so weary—
But my mind, it knows—I know—what it cries in
I have a complex theory

When I am alone in the darkness,
I can see more than in light
And it is here, that I can’t feel heartless
It is here, that I take flight

I am often blinded by the night
In a way unknown to me
In a way that makes things seem alright
In a way I know it can’t be

It is here, where I’ve seen the unimaginable—
Inconspicuous, concealed—
Utterly and indefinitely fantastical
Exploding, but unrevealed

And I cry
And I cry
And I cry

Never have I witnessed such beauty before
And I can’t help but cry
While I think of the man who touched me afore
Forget, forget, forget, I tried

While I think of the man who hit me at times
While I think of the man who committed crimes
While I think of the man who said it was fine
While I think of the boy who internally died

I cry
I cry
I cry

Then I stop and taste the salty wetness
Sliding down my face
Burning—questioning, have I met this?
Twenty-two with a similar case

I am afraid to fall asleep at last
Because I’m afraid of dreams
I’d like to be awake without the bags
But it’s impossible—at least it seems

But the night distracts me well enough
Transcendence dwells around the corner
Could rain drown you if it went up?
(It was raining that night, I want it warmer)

And it is this endlessness—this infinity
That makes me feel truly lost
The nature of a wishful synergy
That makes me forget the cost

But then my eyelids get heavy
And I start to panic
There is no lullaby at all, not any
A determined—a focused frantic

But at last, I sleep
But at last, I sleep
But at last, I sleep
Alone—succumbed—at last—asleep


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