Love and intuition

I drown in my tears,
As I try to release my fears.
I drown in my sorrow,
And hope I feel some joy tomorrow.
I feel at the lowest of my existence.
Happiness on occasion,
And then resistance.
I see magic in life that's so incredible!
And yet, this darkness inside seems unshakeable.
I look around out in the world and can't believe the beauty!
However, beauty in myself, I cannot see.
The hope things will get better becomes less and less.
How much more can I handle of this significant stress?
Pessimistic, some that speculate may say.
But following my heart and soul have always been my way.
I don't feel quite ready to give up yet.
I'm afraid of what's to come though, and until I know I shall fret.