a mess of thoughts

everything is up to our minds
would you rather be happy or sad all the time
what helps you sleep
what keeps you up at night
what upsets you can only bother you if you let it
sometimes I’ll sleep it off in attempt to forget it
sometimes I stay up ‘cause of how we left it
so I'm never well rested
I might doze off here and there
yet somehow it appears, in my dream
picking apart the carefully sewn seams
making me toss and turn, wakinng me up every hour for air
we all say things then leave someone behind, whether or not we really meant it
cupid shot at you for me, the wall around your heart bent it
we didn’t do so good at trying to prevent it
I typed up all my feelings, but never sent it
so I keep writing and writing
somehow damn near every single fucking poem is about you
so I get high
so high out of my mind till I can’t even see or breathe
some feelings go away
some stay well hidden at the bottom of our hearts
the butterflies
come alive
they die
some want you all to themselves
and treat you like treasure
some treat you like trash
better love who loves you better
a love that’s unrequited
leaves you blinded
putting up with things that make it hard to sleep at night and
you can put on a game face every day, but
sometimes it shows regardless of how hard you try to hide it
either I fall in too fast
confusing lust with love to the point that
I lose sense of reality and go mad
coming off as the worst, end up being the best you’ve ever had
or I don’t fall at all
I won’t care
if those special, throat tightening, tongue tying, heart sighing, excited butterflies flying, poetry writing, feelings
aren’t there
I'll reply if I'm bored or getting ignored
then ignore if I'm bored until I want more
eventually I'll get the runaround for leaving when I shouldn’t have let go
and just like me, you will reap what you sow
you watered a garden where flowers could hardly grow
restored lost hope and lifted me up when I was low
you inspired happiness until it became sorrow
you gave me today, just to take away tomorrow
maybe I, am as temporary as those who come and go
maybe I’M the sharp thorns instead of the soft petals
fallen from a wilted rose
one by one
the once luscious
once bright and red beautiful petals
curling up and darkening
like my damaged liver and nicotine filled lungs
one by one
until there was none