Signs You Domestic Robot Needs a Tune-Up

Forgets to chill the salad forks
and sometimes heats them.

Still addresses you as "Sir" or "Madam"
but doesn't sound as if it means it.

Tells the postman that
you are living under an alias.

Insists on wearing a sombrero
when it serves enchiladas.

Has started keeping
the dust bunnies as pets.

Spends too much time reading
Sartre and Beckett.

Walks in endless circles,
robot palm to robot brow,
mumbling: "The horror! The horror!"

Asks to be called "Charlemagne."

Appeared in Asimov's SF Magazine