Who Am I?

 

Who am I? That's the question I've been asking myself a lot this past year or so and I don't know the answer to it yet. I've watched YouTube video after YouTube video. Followed many trans guys on instagram to see a peek into their lives and try and understand my own. Even then I am still stuck. I don't know if I'm trans, genderfluid, genderqueer, nonbinary, or androgyne etc.. I have no clue who I am. I don't know if I feel more feminine sometimes because I'm "supposed" to or because I do. Or more masculine at times because I'm "supposed" to. I just know how I feel and when I feel it. When I think of my childhood I think of hating anything feminine. That includes the color pink, earrings, dresses, skirts, flats, etc.. I was always told I'll grow out of that like my sister's before me did. That I was a "tomboy" and would one day love makeup and wearing dresses. As a kid when my breasts become larger than an A cup I wondered of growing up and getting a breast reduction because they were too big for me. I was told as a kid that I have breasts and curves so clearly I'm a girl and I always used that logic on others. But when I look at trans men and see they have breasts and curves yet they aren't men I start to wonder about myself. Who am I? Am I just a girl confused? Am I a trans man fighting to push through to the surface? Or am I just me? A person who lives and breaths and wears masculine clothing and gets their period and has breasts? I have no clue who I am but I'm prepared to do what I can to figure that out. I just wish I had the answer to who I am?...