Classic Poem

Come! Why, halloa, that you, Jack?
How's the world been using you?
Want your pipe? it's in the jar—
Think I might be looking blue.
Maud's been breaking off with me,
Fact—see here—I've got the ring.
That's the note she sent it in;
Read it—soothing sort of thing.

Jack, you know I write sometimes—
Must have read some things of mine.
Well, I thought I'd just send Maud
Something for a valentine.
So I ground some verses out
In the softest kind of style,
Full of love, and that, you know—
Bothered me an awful while;
Quite a heavy piece of work.
So when I had got them done—
Why, I thought them much too good
Just to waste that way on one.
Jack, I told you, didn't I?
All about that black-eyed girl
Up in Stratford—last July—
Oh! you know; you saw her curl.
Well, old fellow, she's the one
That this row is all about,
For I sent her—who'd have thought
Maud would ever find it out—
Those same verses, word for word.
Hang it, man! you needn't roar—
‘Splendid joke!’ well, so I thought—
No, don't think so any more.
Yesterday, you know it rained,
I'd been up late—at a ball—
Didn't know what else to do—
Went up and made Maude a call,
Found some other girl there, too,
They were playing a duett.
“Fred, my cousin, Nelly Deane,”—
Yes, Jack, there was my brunette;
You should just have seen me, Jack—
Now, old fellow, please don't laugh,
I feel bad about it—fact—
And I really can't stand chaff.
Well, I tried to talk to Maud,
There was Nell, though, sitting by;
Every now and then she'd laugh,
Sure I can't imagine why.

Maud would read that beastly poem,
Nell's eyes said in just one glance,
‘Won't I make you pay for this,
If I ever get the chance.’
Some one came and rang the bell,
Just a note for Nell, by post.
Jack, I saw my monogram—
I'd have rather seen a ghost.
Yes—her verses—I suppose
That her folks had sent them down—
Couldn't get up there, you know—
Till she'd left and come to town.
Nelly looked them quickly through—
Laughed—by Jove, I thought she'd choke.
“Maud—he'll kill me—dear! oh, dear!—
Read that; isn't it a joke?”
Maud glanced through them—sank right down
On the sofa—hid her face—
‘Crying!’—not much—laughing, Jack—
Don't think she's a hopeless case.
I just grabbed my hat and left—
Only wish I'd gone before.
How they laughed!—I heard them, Jack—
Till I got outside the boor.
There, confession's done me good,
I can never with her back,
So I'll calmly let her slide—
Pass the ash-cup, will you, Jack.”