Classic Poem

My D EAR

As those who ask Relief,
By Letter Patent, call'd a Brief,
Their broken Fortunes to recruit,
First state their Case, then make their Suit:
So in the last, or first, I sent,
(By either Word the same is meant)
As I describ'd my sad Disaster,
This comes to beg a proper Plaister.

And, as when People first grow sad,
Preparative to running mad,
No Med'cine in the World can hit 'em
Like Liver of the Dog that bit 'em:
So whence th' Infection first I drew,
My Cure must come, that is from you;
If therefore you'll but condescend
This once for all to stand my Friend,
The Remedy will easy be — —
'Tis but t'apply yourself to me.

Let not my Metaphors affront,
Because I bring them out so blunt — —
Woman to Man, and Man to Woman,
Are Applications very common;
And ev'ry Body knows, they prove
The most effectual ones in Love.

This is, in brief, my whole Request,
And, as the fewest Words are best,
If on your Side the Bargain's made,
Let ev'ry Man enjoy his Trade — —
Let some Sir Crape our Bus'ness do;
Clap you to me, and me to you — —
To which, if quickly you consent,
You take him right, who wrong ne'er meant.