Classic Poem

Dear Tom, since, by a lucky knack,
Your white balls overtop the black,
And counter-canvass smother,
Let me your mental garment darn,
As old Polonius spun a yarn
To fair Ophelia's brother.

" Be thou familiar, " should you see
At dinner an austere M. P.
Just as his glass he's filling,
Accost him — whatsoe'er his rank —
With " Sir, I'd thank you for a frank, "
And save your aunt a shilling.

" Give every man (of wealth) thine ear; "
Smile when he smiles, his sallies cheer,
Out his connexions ferret;
Or roar his catch, or sing his palm:
But, Thomas, " never dull thy psalm "
By shaking hands with Merit.

At a house-dinner show your fun, —
Mount a horse-laugh, quiz, banter, pun,
Be saucy as a squirrel;
But if your foe possess a pair
Of Manton's polish'd pops, " beware
Of entrance to a quarrel. "

If a roast fillet deck the board,
With bacon, you can well afford
To leave the viand per se ;
But if a haunch supplant the veal,
" Grapple " the joint " with hooks of steel, "
And carve it without mercy.

" Apparel oft proclaims the man:'
Wear, then, the richest garb you can,
Whilst in the club a dweller;
And if men doubt your means and ways,
Reverse the caveat emptor phrase,
And cast it to the seller.

" Take each man's censure " in good part; —
Pliant humility's an art
That copper turns to siller.
" Be not a lender " — memories flit;
" Nor borrower " — unless a wit
From old Josephus Miller.

Place on the fender both your feet;
When Boreas howls, complain of heat,
And open all the windows:
Ring for a waiter, bang the door,
And for your brethren care no more
Than Tippoo cared for Hindoos.

Never to acquiesce be seen:
To those who dwell on Edmund Kean,
Talk of John Kemble's glories.
Dub all who do the civil, prigs;
Revile Lord Melbourne to the Whigs,
Sir Robert to the Tories.

And now, dear Tom, farewell; the gale
" Sits in the shoulder of your sail, " —
Defy disapprobation:
For, till committee-men begin
To ballot out , as well as in ,
You're safe in your location.