Classic Poem

'T was on his Wedding-Day , when all
The Gods appear'd in Jove 's great Hall :
With equal Speed, and Joy, they prest
To celebrate the Nuptial Feast .

Saturnus, (pleas'd with th' Honours done
To the great Goddess , and his Son )
Bid Ganymid fill round the Bowl ,
Rich Nectar round the Board did Bowl,
And Jove and Juno rung from Pole to Pole.

At last the Gods became as merry,
As Mortals are with Punch and Sherry .
Appollo with his Harp advanc'd,
And all the Stars around them danc'd.
Jove threw his needless Bolts away,
And Neptune 's Trident near them lay.
Lame Vulcan bid his Hammers ceale;
And Mars , himself, declar'd for Peace .
Juno 's Peacocks laid aside
Their empty Vanities and Pride ;
And Jove 's fierce Bird , t' express his Love ,
It pearch'd, and bill'd, with Venu 's Dove .
But Jove (se'ing ne'er a Cupid there)
Ask'd Venus where the Wantons were.
The Queen of Love to Jove replies,
They're buisy at their Exercise .

Some learning how to throw a Dart ,
And dextrously to hit a Heart.
Others are taught to ride , and skip ,
To mount an Eye , or sit a Lip .
This , learns Love Letters to indict,
And that , to cast up Sighs , and write.
To multiply a Lady 's Graces ,
And substract Blemishes from Faces :
Some taught to sing , and some to play ;
With Fingers , or with Breath to slay.
Some studdy, how with Frowns to crush,
With pointed Glances how to push,
And when , and where , and how to blush;
How ev'ry Look , and Glance , to watch,
And place the High , or Low Church Patch .
There one is taught the Fan to weild,
And spread it o'er the Eyes (like Shield)
That, from behind that Paper Sconce ,
She may both ward , and wound at once;
And, there entrench'd, with subtle Leer ,
To pop and kill , as nothing were.

Others are taught to make Approaches
With Perriwigs and gaudy Coaches ,
To swear they die , and woo their Dames
With Madrigals , and Anagrams .
To admire a Petticoat , or Lace ,
And call a Pimple a good Grace .
Some learn to storm a Heart by force,
Compell'd to yield for better , or worse .
Some taught to dwindle in to Cullies ,
And some to swell themselves to Bullies ,
To sue their Dames with Rodomantad's ,
To boast of Battles , and done Deeds ,
Of Sieges, Blood , and Saracens Heads .
In fine, the're taught all Arts of Wooing ,
Of Billing, Kissing, Cuttery-cooing ,
Of Cheating, Bilking , and Undoing .

Quoth Jove , I beg, at least, this Day,
The Youngsters may have Leave to play,
To rore, and revel thro' the Court ,
And shew the Deities some Sport.

Then streight, the little Wantons , all,
Dismiss'd from School , flew to the Hall ,
And to great Jove did G RATIAS call.

Then you might see them sit astride,
And on Jove 's pinion'd Eagle ride.
Some did on Doves of Venus rear,
And goad them on with Mars 's Spear.
Others on Mars 's Saddle got,
And rid his prancing Steed to' a Trot.

On any Day, but this, it wou'd
Have vext Old Vulcan , to the Blood,
To see his, Hammers, Anvil, Vice ,
That us'd to make Bolts for the Skies ,
And beat out Clubs for Hercules ;
That made the Sword which Mars did wield,
His Head-Piece, Breast-Plate , and his Shield ,
To see them turn'd to making Ginns ,
Tops, Nutcracks, Scoops , and Darts and Pins .
Jove laugh'd, and even burst asunder,
To see his Lightning and his Thunder
Now handl'd by the Lads in Bibs ,
And turn'd to Crackers , and to Squibs .
Whilst Jav'ling, Lance , and Sword of Mars ,
Were each turn'd to a Hobby-Horse .

Thus did the Boys , their Arts display
Thus did the Godheads pass the Day
In jolly Bowls , and Mirth , away.

Then, Withers , (for some Jovial Hours)
Depose thy Fasces , and thy Powers ,
Dismiss thy Boys, from School and Rods
And imitate th' Immortal Gods .