Classic Poem

Inspector . Women protesting! We've seen it all before.
They were even at it in the First World War,
chanting slogans, chained to bloody railings,
all this jiggery-pokery, women's " wailings".
1915 they tried it on then
bleating for Peace and undermining men,
who had a dangerous job to do.
But there weren't so many anti- in World War II.
Women were supportive. Women toed the line
when it came to facing Hitler in '39.
Well, gentlemen, I think we've got ourselves to blame
if women start this Greenham Common game.
By Poseidon, if you let go the reins
then they're going to end up in Peace Campaigns.
Some of my PCs, though I'm not a bloke to chide
display a certain laxness to the distaff side.
We do a lot of nights and while the cat's away
don't let the little mice soon learn to bloody play.
Your intruder comes in a variety of guises
especially repair men with tools of all sizes.
Tupperware parties with the stress on Tup !
You never know what temptations might turn up.
I'm trained to spot the clues, and O I've seen her
casting dreamy glances at the vacuum cleaner.
Her and that salesman who egged her on to prove her
suction power stronger than his bloody Hoover.
We leave the gate wide open, wide,
and you wouldn't believe what walks inside.
Your postman whispering through the letterbox crack
" I've got a little something for you in my sack."
Phoning the joiner, that's what they're all doing,
fitting the fixtures, a bit of the old screwing.
The plumber that comes round's not so bloody dumb
he doesn't know the pipes she wants him to plumb.
Carpet-fitter. Knock-knock! " Come to lay . . ."
Little glances groinwards. Do I need to say?
There's two ways to deal with women: one's purdah
like our coloured friends, and the other's murder.
We let laxness in the home and when we're on the beat
they're giving someone else our little midnight treat.
We're out and about, enforcing British law
and they first learn whoredom and then denounce War.
If this is what happens when you treat her
like an equal, don't give her a millimetre
or she'll take six inches and it won't be yours.
Then they try to castrate us by stopping wars.
Domestic leniency, believe you me,
first it's sensuality, then it's CND.