Classic Poem

Hodge

Sym glouer yet gramercy, chain meetlye well sped now,
Thart euen as good a felow as euer kyste a cowe,
Here is a thonge in dede, by ye masse though ich speake it
Tom tankards great bald curtal, I thinke could not breake it
And when he spyed my neede to lie so straight and hard,
Hays lent me here his naull, to set the gyb for-ward,
As for my Gammers neele, the flyenge feynd go weete,
Chill not now go to the doore againe with it to meete:

Chould make shyfe good inough and chad a candels ende,
The cheefe hole in my breeche, with these two chil amende.

The iii. Acte. The i.i.. Sceane.

Gammer

How Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, cha newes to tell thee
Ich knowe who hais my neele, ich trust soone shalt it see

Hodge

The deuyll thou does, hast hard gammer in deede, or doest but iest

Gammer

Tys as true as steele Hodge.

Hodge

Why, knowest well where dydst leese it?

Gammer

Ich know who found it, and tooke it vp shalt see or it be longe.

Hodge

Gods mother dere, if that be true, farwel both naule an thong
But who hais it gammer say on: chould faine here it disclosed.

Gammer

That false fixen, that same dame Chat, that counts her selfe so honest.

Hodge

Who tolde you so:

Gammer

That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.

Hodge

Diccon: it is a vengeable knaue gammer, tis a bonable horson,
Can do mo things then that els cham deceyued euill:.
By the masse ich saw him of late cal vp a great blacke deuill,
O the knaue cryed ho, ho he roared and he thundred,
And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred.

Gammer

Was not thou afraide Hodge to see him in this place:

Hodge

No, and chad come to me, chould haue laid him on the face,
Chould haue promised him

Gammer

But Hodge, had he no hornes to pushe:

Hodge

As long as your two armes, saw ye neuer Fryer
Rushe
Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle
And crooked clouen feete, and many a hoked nayle?
For al the world (if I shuld iudg) chould recken him his brother
Loke euen what face Frier Rush had, the deuil had such another

Gammer

Now Iesus mercy hodg, did diccon in him bring:

Hodge

Nay gammer (heare me speke) chil tel you a greater thing,
The deuil (when diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel)
Sayd plainly (here before vs), that dame chat had your neele.

Gammer

Then let vs go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it,
Seing we know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it.

Hodge

Go to her gammer, see ye not where she stands in her doores
Byd her geue you the neele, tys none of hers but yours.

The iii. Acte. The iii. Sceane.

Gammer

Dame Chat cholde praye the fair, let me haue yt is mine
Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne
Therfore giue me mine owne & let me liue besyde the

Chat

Why art thou crept from home hether, to mine own doores to chide me.
Hence doting drab, auaunt, or I shall set the further.
Intends thou and that knaue, mee in my house to murther:

Gammer

Tush gape not so on me woman, shalt not yet eate mee,
Nor all the frends thou hast, in this shall not intreate mee —
Mine owne goods I will haue, and aske the no beleue,
What woman: pore folks must haue right, thongh the thing you agreue.

Chat

Giue thee thy right, and hang thee vp, wt al thy baggers broode
What wilt thou make me a theefe, and say I stole thy good:

Gammer

Chil say nothing (ich warrant thee), but that ich can proue it well
Thou fet my good euen from my doore, cham able this to tel,

Chat

Dyd I (olde witche) steale oft was thine: how should that thing be knowen:

Gammer

Ich can not tel, but vp thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne,

Chat

Mary fy on thee, thou old gyb, with al my very hart.

Gammer

Nay fy on thee yu rampe, thou ryg, with al that take thy parte.

Chat

A vengeaunce on those lips yt laieth such things to my charge.

Gammer

A vengeance on those callats hips, whose con-science is so large

Chat

Come out Hogge

Gammer

Come out hogge, and let me haue right.

Chat

Thou arrant Witche.

Gammer

Thou bawdie bitche, chil make thee cursse this night.

Chat

A bag and a wallet.

Gammer

A carte for a callet.

Chat

Why wenest thou thus to preuaile,
I hold thee a grote,
I shall patche thy coate,

Gammer

Thou warte as good kysse my tayle:
Thou slut, yu kut, yu rakes, yu iakes. will not shame make ye hide the

Chat

Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, yu glotton,
I will no longer chyd the
But I will teache the to kepe home.

Gammer

Wylt thou drunken beaste.

Hodge

Sticke to her gammer, take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast.
Smyte I saye gammer,
Byte I say gammer,
I trow ye wyll be keene:.
Where be your nayls? claw her by the iawes, pull me out bothe her eyen,
Gogs bones gammer, holde vp your head,

Chat

I trow drab I shall dresse thee.
Tary yu knaue I hold the a grote, I shall make these hands blesse thee
Take yu this old hore for amends, & lerne thy tonge well to tame
And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame.

Hodge

Where is the strong stued hore, chil geare a hores marke,
Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke
Up gammer and ye be alyue, chil feyght now for us bothe,
Come no nere me thou scalde callet, to kyll the ich wer loth.

Chat

Art here agayne thou hoddy peke, what doll bryng me out my spitte.

Hodge

Chill broche thee wyth this, bim father soule, chyll coniure that foule sprete:
Let dore stand Cock, why coms in deede? kepe dore yu horson boy.

Chat

Stand to it yu dastard for thine eares, ise teche ye a sluttish toye.

Hodge

Gogs woundes hore, chil make the auaunte, take heede Cocke, pull in the latche,

Chat

I faith sir loose breche had ye taried, ye shold haue found your match.

Gammer

Now ware thy throte losell, thouse pay for al

Hodge

Well said gammer by my soule,
Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule

Chat

Comst behynd me thou withered witch, & I get once on foote
Thouse pay for all, yu old tarlether, ile teach the what longs to it
Take ye this to make vp thy mouth, til time thou come by more

Hodge

Up gammer stand on your feete, where is the olde hore?
Haith woulde chad her by the face choulde racke her callet crowne

Gammer

A hodg, hodg, where was thy help, when fixen had me downe.

Hodge

By the masse Gammer, but for my staffe Chat had gone nye to spyl you
Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com to kill you but shall we loose our neele thus?

Gammer

No Hodge chwarde lothe doo soo.
Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand, no hodg ich tell the no

Hodge

Chold yet this fray wer wel take vp, & our own neele at home
Twill be my chaunce els some to kil, wher euer it be or whome

Gammer

We haue a parson, (hodge thou knoes) a man estemed wise
Mast doctor Rat, chil for hym send, and let me here his aduise,
He will her shriue for all this gere, & geue her penaunce strait
Wese haue our neele, els dame chat comes nere wtin heauen gate

Hodge

Ye mary gammer, yt ich thmk best: wyll you now for him send
The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wese ha an ende,
And here gaminer Dyccons deuill, (as iche re-member well)
Of Cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat a felloneu tale dyd tell,
Chold you forty pound, that is the way your neele to get againe.

Gammer

Chil ha him strait call out ye boy wese make him take the payn

Hodge

What coke I saye, coine out what deuill canst not here.

Cocke

How now hodg? how does gammer, is yet the wether cleare?
What wold chaue me to doo?

Gammer

Come hether Cocke anon —
Hence swythe to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone,
And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease,
Shalt haue him at his chamber, or els at mother Bees,
Els seeke him at Hob fylchers shop, for as charde it reported
There is the best ale in al the towne, and now is most resorted.

Cocke

And shal ich brynge hyin with me gainmer?

Gammer

Yea, by and by good Cocke.

Cocke

Shalt see that shalbe here anone, els let me haue one the docke

Hodge

Now gammer shal we two go in, and tary for hys commynge
What deuill woman plucke vp your hart, & leue of al this glomming
So
Though she were stronger at ye first, as ich thinke ye did find her
Yet there ye drest the dronken sow, what time ye cam behind her

Gammer

Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for set thend to ye beginning
And ich doubt not, but she will make small bost of her winning.

The iii:. Acte. The iiii. Sceane.

Tyb

Se gammer, gammer, gib our cat, cham afraid what she ayleth
She standes me gasping behind the doore, as though her winde her faileth:
Now let ich doubt what gib shuld mean, yt now she doth so dote

Hodge

Hold hether, ichould twenty pound, your neele is in her throte
Grope her ich say, me thmkes ich feele it, does not pricke your hand?

Gammer

Ich can feele nothing

Hodge

No, ich know thars not within this land
A muryner Cat then Gyb is, betwixt the tems and Tyne,
Shase as much wyt in her head almost as chaue in mine.

Tyb

Faith shase eaten some thing, that wil not easely downe
Whether she gat it at home, or abrode in the towne
Iche can not tell

Gammer

Alas ich feare it be some croked pyn,
And then farewell gyb, she is vndone, and lost al saue the skyn.

Hodge

Tys your neele woman, I say gogs soule geue me a knyfe
And chil haue it out of her mawe, or els chal lose my lyfe.

Gammer

What nay hodg, fy kil not our cat, tis al the cats we ha now.

Hodge

By the masse dame Chat hays me so moued. iche care not what I kyll, ma god a vowe.

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Go to then Tyb to this geare, holde vp her tayle and take her,
Chil see what deuil is in her guts chil take ye pain es to rake her

Gammer

Rake a Cat Hodge, what woldst thou do?

Hodge

What thinckst that cham not able?
Did not Tom Tankard rake his Curtal toore day standing in the stable.

Gammer

Soft be content, lets here what newes Cocke bringeth from maist Rat

Cocke

Gammer chaue ben ther as you bad, you wot wel about what
Twill not be long before he come, ich durst sweare of a booke
He byds you see ye be at home, and there for him to looke.

Gammer

Where didst thou find him boy was he not wher
I told thee?

Cocke

Yes, yes euen at hob filchers house, by him yt bought and solde me
A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fyer,
Chad much a do to go and coine, al was so ful of myer.
And Gammer one thing I can tel, Hob filchers naule was loste
And Doctor Rat found it againe, hard beside the doore poste,
I chould a penny can say something, your neele againe to fet

Gammer

Cham glad to heare so much Cocke, then trust he wil not let,
To helpe vs herein best he can therfore tyl time he come
Let vs go in, if there be ought to get thou shalt haue some.

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