Classic Poem

No —not for all that empty fame
Can give, or happiest writers claim,
Nor what to Bards is most bewitching,
The run of a warm plenteous kitchen;
Tho' D ODSLEY beckon'd with his purse,
D ODSLEY , the Poets' friend and nurse,
No—nor for all beneath the skies,
Would I offend The Unities ;
Nor my historic Tale disgrace
By want of Action, Time, or Place;
Or in this little Drama bring,
Or person, circumstance, or thing,
That Critics, tho' severe, should not
Deem most essential to the plot,
That thus each part well ty'd together,
The whole may stand both wind and weather.
Tho' in obedience to these rules,
We find too often Genius cools,
I hold it classical and right
To keep them ever in our sight.

 Now, Reader, 'tis expedient here
That a new Personage appear,
Not new to all, tho' some won't own
They have before this Lady known,
Of whom Apollo mention made,
In what he to the M USES said;
Nor needs there trumpeting or drumming,
To tell you that V EXATION'S coming;
Yet ere she reaches the Stage-door,
Allow me just to step before,
And as the ancient C HORUS came,
Give you the outlines of this Dame.

 A Welch Attorney was her Sire,
A thing of petulance and fire,
Who would for ten pence go to law,
Then either make, or find a flaw,
And by his art, and his delusion,
Set a whole parish in confusion.
For plunder ever lying wait,
He'd mortgage thrice the same estate,
Would take a bribe on either side,
And Justice and the Devil defy'd.