Classic Poem

We don't go much on lawin'
Here in around the mines? —
Well, now, you're jest hurrahin'
Like the wind amongst the pines!
Of course we allus aim to
Give " the prisoner " a chance —
Though sometimes a jury's game to
Ring a verdict in advance!

What wuz his name — this feller
'At stold the Jedge's mare
Last spring? — wuz tryin' to sell her
Down here at Rip and Tear,
When " Faro Bill " dropped on him,
And bagged him, sound and good
And biznesslike, dog-gone him,
As the constable a-could!

Well, anyway, his trial
Wuz a case in p'int: — He pled
" Not guilty " — a denial
'At his attorney said
Could be substantiated
On the grounds, 'at when the mare
Wuz " stold, " as claimed and stated,
The defendant wuzn't square, —

But he'd be'n a testifyin',
Round the raw edge of a spree
At Stutsman's bar, a-tryin'
To hold one drink in three,
To " Jim-jams " ; and he reckoned
'At his client's moral tone
Could not be classed as second
To the Jedge's — er his own.

" That savin'-clause is timely, "
Says the Jedge, a-turnin' back
To color as sublimely
As I've seed him turn a jack. —
" But, " says he to the defendant,
" Ef you didn't " steal" the mare
I'll ask ef your attendant
" Pharos William," didn't swear

" You wuzn't " full" when captured? "
Then, a-drawin' of his gun,
The Jedge went on, enraptured
With the trail 'at he'd begun, —
" I'll tax your re-collection
To enquire ef you know
That hoss left my protection
On'y jes' five hours ago? —

" In consequence, it follers,
No man as drunk as you —
And I'll bet a hundred dollars
To the opposition's two! —
Could sober to the beauty
Of the standerd you present
This writin' — hence my duty
Plainly is — to circumvent — "

And afore the jury knowed it,
Bang! his gun went! — " And I'll ask, "
He went on, as he th'owed it
Up to finish out his task,
" Ef it's mortal? " — then, betrayin'
Some emotion, with a bow,
He closed by simply sayin' —
" You can take the witness now! "