Classic Poem

Give ear, brother fools; you who Lawyers encourage,
 And bring your own family to misery,
When you're forc'd to jail, there your fortunes to forage,
 While you support them up in high dignity,

No wonder these vermin now shine in their coaches
 For their ay crying give, give, like greedy horseleeches,
For the devil a coin they have left in my breeches,
 Tho't was but a cat that began this curs'd plea .

My dog and I went on a hunting excursion,
 And finding no prey, then he worried a cat,
Her owner he swore with a loud exclamation,
 “By Jove I'll soon play your dog tit for tat.”

I'd paid him some money, if he'd stay'd to ask it;
 But he instantly run and he loaded his musket,
And shot my dog dead as a dog in a basket,
 So there was an end of my worthy dog Mat .

Revenge seiz'd my breast, I employed a lawyer;
 He swore that I had the right end of the tree;
The defendant's attorney aloud too he did swear,
 He'd make him for certain soon triumph o'er me.

So it was doom'd straight by the jury and judges,
 Each counsel should have twenty pounds for their wages;
This judgement right soon our great fury enrages,
 When we had to pay each this cursed big fee.

The defendent and I soon we came to our senses,
 As over a bowl of good nectar we fat;
We blasted our folly, to cause such expences;
 But like every fool we repented too late.

If you go to the law you go straight to auld Horn ie ,
 (For the worst he can do, is, he only can burn ye,
Like that stum'bling block an infernal attorney;
 So this is an end of our cat, dog and plea .