The Character of a Trimmer

Hang out your cloth, and let the trumpet sound;
Here's such a beast as Afric never owned;
A twisted brute, the satyr in the story,
That blows up the Whig heat and cools the Tory;
A state hermaphrodite, whose doubtful lust
Salutes all parties with an equal gust;
Like Iceland shoughs, he seems two natures joined,
Savage before and all betrimmed behind,
And the well-tutored curs like him will strain,
Come over for the king, and back again.
'Tis such a sphinx, the devil can't unriddle:
A human schism upward from the middle,
And splits again below, which gives us light
To the sole point that can all sects unite.
Thus did the famed Dutch double-monster trim,
And that cleft soul's pythagorized in him.
Noah (whom for the sake of wine we love)
Saved Nature's breed by mandate from above,
But all the learned sages do agree
He kept his ark from mules and leopards free:
All such mixed animals he scorned to float,
And would not save one trimmer in his boat.
Beasts feed on beasts, and fishes fish devour,
And o'er weak birds the winged tyrants tower;
But this same land-fish with his feathered fins
Commits both air, and earth, and water, sins;
Complies with those that fly, and walk, and dive,
But fastens only upon those that thrive.
In short, his only art is to inveigle,
Flatter the popular power as well as regal,
Like a state Janus or a church spread-eagle.
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