Classic Poem

When Men have honest Wives at home,
Yet take the Liberty to roam;
They can't with too much Caution act,
In keeping close an amorous Fact:
'Tis not enough to hide their Sin
From all, but those concern'd therein:
From even those they should conceal
What may the Crime of both reveal.
With neither Friend nor Foe they must
The nicest of their Secrets trust.

 Some Punster cries, who loves to strain
The Sense of Words, This is not plain——
In amorous Facts what do Folks do,
But search each other's Secrets thro'?
And talk of hiding something then!
Pray Poet tell us what you mean?

 Forbear your Jokes, dear witty Wight!
And be so good to take me right——
Without Design you can't mistake——
But, if Examples plainer make,
Dick Daventer , my quondam Friend,
This Proposition shall defend;
Dick hits this Purpose to the Life:
Dick went astray, yet had a Wife.

 This Friend of mine was brisk and young;
Well built, and consequently strong:
Yet (to his Honour be it heard)
What Strength he had, he never spar'd—
His Spouse at all Times would agree,
(And who could know so well as she?)
That, take him early, take him late,
He was a good pains-taking Mate.
In vain alass! no Fruit appears,
To crown his Toil, in thrice three Years!
O Fate severe! no hopeful Child
Upon th' industrious Parent smil'd!

  Dick , with Submission, bore his Lot,
And cherish'd scarce an evil Thought.
No——if 'twere Providence's Will,
He'd live contented, childless, still!
For, let his Foes say what they can,
Dick was a very pious Man;
His Manners were correctly nice;
He went to Church a Sundays twice;
And would not do an evil Thing
To make himself Great-Britain 's King,

 Alass! it grieves my Soul to tell
How into Trulla 's Snare he fell!
How, sailing home one Night at Twelve,
His Vessel stranded on her Shelve!
Stand off, my Friend—discard and kick her—
In vain I wish! my Friend's in Liquor——
Her Arts prevail——she draws him in,
To act th' abominable Sin:
To promise, at a proper Time,
To come, and to repeat the Crime!

 When once our Innocence we stain,
Spot follows spot, like Drops of Rain——
Next Morning Dick cons o'er and o'er
The Follies of the Night before.
Could he those Minutes but recall,
He'd freely sacrifice his All!
He'll go no more——But then his Vow!
To break it Honour won't allow.
On all th' Intentions of his Word
He very learnedly demur'd——
Will Time, Condition, Person, Place,
Afford no Salvo in this Case?
An Pellice servanda Fides?
Yes——Reason on th' affirming Side is——
A Promise should be sacred still;
Made when, where, or to whom it will.

 Truth's Arguments at length prevail:
(Some Inclination in the Scale)
They meet again——get more acquainted——
Again——fresh Meetings are appointed——
In short——they met and met so long,
(To hasten forwards with my Song)
That he was hers, and she was his;
A downright Keeper, and his Miss.

 Long Conversation Freedom breeds——
Encroaching Trulla intercedes
To know her dear Deceiver's Name;
Where now he lives; from whence he came;
Whether a married Man, or single;
With fifty Things that will not jingle:
Which Women will on Men intrude,
Where these are fond, and those are rude.

 His Love for Truth Dick still retains,
And therefore takes a World of Pains
To answer her with half a Lie:
(An Answer he could not deny)
Yet so as she should never find
The true Intention of his Mind.

 First, Daniel Doubtfull was his Name;
(Th' initial Letters still the same)
And, for the future, she should see
His Billets all subscrib'd, D. D.

 His native Place was thirty Miles——
In this he easily beguiles
The Fair——by bringing into play
Some Town as far——another Way.

 His Dwelling was on London Side;
Not far from where Thames rolls his Tide.
He nam'd the Thames , the Street, the Sign,
All Circumstances that could join;
Yet, in Conclusion, finely minc'd it,
By Names in Southwark o'er against it.

 But Marriage was so firm a Noose,
How could he play at fast and loose?
He has no Child——Ay, there's his Hold—
Tiulla must artfully be told
That once his Wedding Day was set,
But Disappointments, which he met,
Had griev'd him so, he never since
To any Woman made Pretence:
Tho' happy he should be, to prove,
By marrying her, his faithful Love.

 Muse, whither will thy Tale extend?
Or, dost not yet perceive it's End?
What further Questions Trulla ask'd,
How cautious Dick his Answers masqu'd;
Why shouldst thou tell? Such Shifts appear,
Trulla perceives him insincere——
Yet, tho' she found her Cull in jest,
Words were too warily express'd,
She truly thought, to be but Wind——
She therefore bore them all in Mind;
Resolv'd a proper Time to wait,
And, if worth while, to take the Bait.

 Profuse abroad, at home still just,
Nor Wise, nor Mistress need mistrust:
Each, when she wanted, had a Shilling;
Neither knew more than Dick was willing;
'Till bringing once a little Book,
He o'er it bids his Trulla look——
Says he, These Poems, ev'ry Line ,
Were written by a Cuz of mine;
A Fellow of uncommon Parts;
Well skill'd in almost all the Arts——
The Title of the Pamphlet tells
His Name, and Trade, and where he dwells,

  Trulla with Thanks receives the Gift,
In hopes the Truth of all to sift——
The trustiest of her private Friends
She to this Poet's Lodging sends;
Instructed how to act and speak:
Intreated large Remarks to make.

 He goes——he rallies all his Sense——
And—— Sir, I hope 'tis no Offence ——
I saw your Book; admire your Wit;
And come to chat concerning it.
Pray, won't you please to take a Glass?
I should be glad an Hour to pess.

 The Bard complies, with Heart elate—
Heav'ns! to be follow'd at this rate!
How great a Man! They drink and smoak;
Talk common Things; and pass a Joke;
'Till—— Pray Sir, have you no Relations?
Yes—— What may be their Names and Stations?
Where do they dwell? what sort of Men?
The Poet mentions Nine or Ten;
Their Names, their Age, their Size, how dress'd;
Dick Daventer among the rest.

 Conclusion now draws on apace——
Trulla 's Acquaintance tell the Case:
The Cousin's Story stronger brings
Dick 's own disguis'd Account of Things;
And, as the joint Description ran,
'Twas plain he was the very Man.

 'Tis easy to conceive the rest——
How artfull Trulla Rage express'd;
(To make him with more Warmth salute her;
And use her better for the future,)
Impose on her! she'd have him know
She never was affronted so———
She had indeed been much too kind——
The worse Luck hers tho'——Love is blind!
Hers all were honourable Views!
The more Knave he——such Love t'abuse!

  Dick sees the House about his Ears,
And in the Mischief first appears——
He knew his Credit was at Stake——
What Use of this the Bard would make——
And therefore frankly, to his Wife,
Owns ev'ry Error of his Life:
Together all the Parties brings;
And publickly Peccavi sings——
Contented with the present Game,
The Poet vows to spare his Fame.
Trulla was willing to be gone,
At naming Bridewell , and Sir John :
And Madam, for the Sake of both,
Pardons this Breach of Marriage Troth.

 You read this Lesson at Beginning——
Observe a Manner ev'n in Sinning——
If you must stray, mind what you do!
Why will you lose your Honour too?
Here let me add—— Men strive in vain
To live in Vice, yet Truth maintain——:
Stick to the Temple, or the Calves
The D——l won't be serv'd by Halves.