Diplomacy
If you know a little lady
With a tongue that's rather tart,
And a liking for the shady
Bits of gossip of the mart,
And she tells a tale about you
That she knows to be untrue,
Causing many folks to doubt you,
What is it that you should do?
No! You mustn't use the phrases you would use about a man.
Turn and sound the lady's praises just as loudly as you can.
Never call a dame " S APPHIRA ! " Such a course would hardly pay.
'Twill be heaping coals to fire her, should you say:
Put it neatly, and discreetly,
Put it sweetly, with an air
That you're saying something pleasant of your enemy so fair.
Put it nicely, and concisely,
Put it wisely — with a twist —
And you'll gain a reputation as a great Diplomatist!
If you have a Taxicabby
With a granite sort of face,
And a muscle far from flabby,
As is frequently the case,
And he charges you a dollar
For a quarter mile or two,
And you feel you ought to holler —
What's the thing for you to do?
No! You mustn't use the phrases you would use to smaller fry.
Chaps with such peculiar faces are a menace to the eye.
Never call the cabby " Loafer ! " Such a course would hardly pay —
It will freeze that pirate Chauffeur should you say:
Put it neatly, and discreetly,
Put it sweetly, with an air
That you're saying something pleasant — T HEN FORGET TO PAY YOUR FARE !
Do it chicly, politic-ly,
Fading quickly from his fist,
And you'll gain a reputation as a great Diplomatist!
If your friend has penned a novel
That you know is very bad,
There's no need to go and grovel
Just to make the fellow glad.
When he asks you if you like it,
And you wish to tell him true
That he really ought to hike it
Up the literary flue —
No! You mustn't use the phrases you would use to give the hook
In the ordinary cases to a dull and stupid book.
Do not call his novel " D RIVEL ! " Such a course would hardly pay.
It will be a deal more civil should you say:
Put it neatly, and discreetly,
Put it sweetly, with an air
That you're saying something pleasant to a genius rather rare.
Put it gently, innocently,
Incident'ly, hit or missed,
And you'll gain a reputation as a great Diplomatist!
With a tongue that's rather tart,
And a liking for the shady
Bits of gossip of the mart,
And she tells a tale about you
That she knows to be untrue,
Causing many folks to doubt you,
What is it that you should do?
No! You mustn't use the phrases you would use about a man.
Turn and sound the lady's praises just as loudly as you can.
Never call a dame " S APPHIRA ! " Such a course would hardly pay.
'Twill be heaping coals to fire her, should you say:
Put it neatly, and discreetly,
Put it sweetly, with an air
That you're saying something pleasant of your enemy so fair.
Put it nicely, and concisely,
Put it wisely — with a twist —
And you'll gain a reputation as a great Diplomatist!
If you have a Taxicabby
With a granite sort of face,
And a muscle far from flabby,
As is frequently the case,
And he charges you a dollar
For a quarter mile or two,
And you feel you ought to holler —
What's the thing for you to do?
No! You mustn't use the phrases you would use to smaller fry.
Chaps with such peculiar faces are a menace to the eye.
Never call the cabby " Loafer ! " Such a course would hardly pay —
It will freeze that pirate Chauffeur should you say:
Put it neatly, and discreetly,
Put it sweetly, with an air
That you're saying something pleasant — T HEN FORGET TO PAY YOUR FARE !
Do it chicly, politic-ly,
Fading quickly from his fist,
And you'll gain a reputation as a great Diplomatist!
If your friend has penned a novel
That you know is very bad,
There's no need to go and grovel
Just to make the fellow glad.
When he asks you if you like it,
And you wish to tell him true
That he really ought to hike it
Up the literary flue —
No! You mustn't use the phrases you would use to give the hook
In the ordinary cases to a dull and stupid book.
Do not call his novel " D RIVEL ! " Such a course would hardly pay.
It will be a deal more civil should you say:
Put it neatly, and discreetly,
Put it sweetly, with an air
That you're saying something pleasant to a genius rather rare.
Put it gently, innocently,
Incident'ly, hit or missed,
And you'll gain a reputation as a great Diplomatist!
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